Wotan-
It would be foolishness for me to deny what you say to some extent, but consider, no amount of changing the game parameters will ever change that mindset. People will either enjoy and stay or not enjoy and leave.
I've had terrific fun furballing and not caring whether I lived.
I've had terrific fun helping to capture a base or taking down a CV (and living, I might add).
I've done many a desperate "one-man, vultched mercilessly" base defenses because I was all that stood between a defenseless base and another capture.
I have been high in a B17 hoping I can make the run before the swarm of 109's/190's take me out.
I have done the lowly C47 NOE mission into harm's way, one time even taxiing in from 2K away.
Guess what I'm saying is that all manner of play exists, and most of them can co-exist peacefully (as is possible in a war sim). HO'ing is a low odds tactic in most cases, but nonetheless valid.