Japanese soldier: [trying to squeeze a large radio into the sub] We've got to figure out how to make these things smaller!
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Captain Loomis Birkhead: [to Donna] It's big. The biggest one here. You know what else? It's got a lot of range. You know what I mean by range, don't you? I mean it can stay up for a long time. A very long time. And it's built firm and solid. Because it has to be. Because of its tremendous forward thrust. And when this baby delivers its payload... devastating.
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General Joseph W. Stilwell: This isn't the state of California, it's a state of insanity.
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Captain Wild Bill Kelso: My name's Wild Bill Kelso, and don't you forget it!
Colonel "Madman" Maddox: That's the kind of talk I like to hear, boy. That's it, lemme hear your guns.
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: My guns?
Colonel "Madman" Maddox: Yes, I wanna hear what they sound like, let me hear 'em.
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Hollis P. Wood: You sneaky little batards aren't getting doodly **** from me, except maybe my name, rank, and Social Security number: Wood, Hollis P., Lumberjack, Social Security 106-43-2185.
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Hollis P. Wood: [After seeing Captain von Kleinschmidt enter] Jesus Palomino, a Nazi. I knew it, you're all in cahoots. Well let me tell you something, Mr. Heinie Kraut, I fought your kind in the great war, and we kicked the living **** out of you!
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[To Betty, before she leaves for the USO.]
Ward Douglas: I don't know what they've told you down at the USO, but you're going to be meeting a lot of strange men. Men in uniform. Boys a long way from home, lonely, desperate. They really have one thing on their minds. Show 'em a good time.
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Sergeant Frank Tree: If there's one thing I can't stand seeing, it's Americans fighting Americans.
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Colonel "Madman" Maddox: To Hollywood... and glory!
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Captain Wild Bill Kelso: Kid, you gotta get that sub.
Wally Stephens: What sub?
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: The Jap sub.
Wally Stephens: Where?
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: The ocean, lame-o.
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[Looking at the Japanese sub through binoculars]
Angelo Scioli: Hey, there's a Kraut on board too. We got the whole damn Axis here.
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Private Foley: Now Sarge, what is the loading and firing procedure for the 75-millimeter cannon?
Sergeant Frank Tree: [delirious] There are five basic components...
Private Foley: This is it, pay attention.
Sergeant Frank Tree: ...to the new General Electric refrigerator: one, the freon compressor, two, the freon tube...
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Sergeant Frank Tree: You know, this year wasn't *the* big year of the war, '41. I think the really big year is going to be 1942.
Major General Joseph W. Stillwell: It's gonna be a long war.
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Colonel Akiro Mitamura: [To von Kleinschmidt] You can take your "Third Reich" and shove it up your ass!
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[Reporting over the radio on a riot at the USO.]
Raoul Lipschitz: Ladies and gentlemen, every where I look... soldiers are fighting sailors, sailors are fighting marines. Directly in front of me, I see a flying blond floozy. Everywhere I look, everywhere, pure pandemoninium -- pandemonium.
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Wally Stephens: I've learned a very important lesson today, I'll never shop east of Beverly Hills.
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Captain Wild Bill Kelso: War nerves? Who said war nerves?
The Patron: I heard it on that radio there.
[Kelso shoots the radio.]
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: Radio's wrong.
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Colonel "Madman" Maddox: Hold your fire, pass it on.
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Colonel "Madman" Maddox: Identify yourself!
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: Captain Wild Bill Kelso, United States Army Air Corps, where the Hell am I?
Colonel "Madman" Maddox: Barstow, where you coming from?
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: San Francisco, been chasing a Jap squadron for a day and a half. I lost 'em somewhere over Fresno.
Telephone Operator: I'm from Olene, Illionois.
Captain Wild Bill Kelso: Tough ****.
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Raoul Lipschitz: I'd like to thank all the GI's for making this such a memorable evening. Maybe next time we can get some Negroes in here and start a race riot.
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Major General Joseph W. Stillwell: Bombs! I don't hear any bombs! Now they're up there. They came all the way from Asia. Don't you think they'd bring a few bombs along?
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Murray Hamilton: "Turn off those lights, you little *******!"
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Gen. Stillwell: That is the craziest son of a squeak I've ever seen.
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Hollis P. Wood: How can a man take a bowel movment with a hundred buffalo rifles a pointen at em
The Theme in midi format The theme in MP3 format 
