MAL: How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?
JAYNE: Money wasn't good enough.
MAL: What happens when it is?
JAYNE: Well... that'll be an interesting day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(From "Jaynestown")
Right where we left off, with the crew staring at
Jayne's statue.
MAL
Jayne?
JAYNE
Yeah?
MAL
You want to tell me how come there's a statue
of you here looking at me like I owe him
something?
JAYNE
Wishing I could, Captain.
MAL
No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me?
JAYNE
Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea. I was
here a few years back, like I said. Pulled
a second-story, stole a lot of scratch from
the magistrate up on the hill. But things
went way South. I had to hightail it.
They don't...put you on a pedestal in town
square for that.
MAL
Yeah, except I'm looking at some fair
compelling evidence says they do.
SIMON
This must be what going mad feels like.
WASH
I think they captured him, though - you
know...captured his essence.
KAYLEE
Looks sort of angry, don't he?
WASH
That's kinda what I meant.
A whistle sounds in the b.g.
FOREMAN
Shift four on duty. Shift four on duty.
JAYNE
Oh hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging
around playing art critic till I get pinched by
the Man, how's about we move away from this
eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our
increasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?
MAL
I don't know. This here's a spectacle might
warrant a moment's consideration.
KAYLEE
Everywhere I go, his eyes keep following me.
JAYNE
Come on, gorram it. We got a job. Let's go
do it, get the hell out of here. I crossed
the magistrate of this company town, understand?
He ain't exactly a forgiving sort of guy.
Then
INT. WORKER-TOWN - MUDDER BAR
Crew sitting around table. A busker is strumming a
guitar in the center of the room.
JAYNE
Can't be a statue of me. No reason for it.
Flies in the face of every kind of sense.
MAL
Won't argue with that.
WASH gags, spits out what he's just drunk.
WASH
(Chinese)
[zhe shi she me lan dong xi? - "What kind
of rotten food is this?"]
JAYNE
Mm-hmm. They call it "Mudder's milk."
(WASH gags)
All the protein, vitamins, and carbs of
your grandma's best turkey dinner, plus
15% alcohol.
WASH
It's horrific.
SIMON
Well, it worked for the Egyptians.
JAYNE
What's that?
SIMON
The ancient Egyptians, back on Earth-That-Was.
Not so different from the ancestral form of beer
they fed the slaves to build their pyramids.
It's liquid bread. Kept them from starving and
knocked them out at night so they wouldn't be
inclined to insurrection.
KAYLEE
Wow, Simon. That was so...historical.
MAL
(spots Well-Dressed Man;
to himself)
What's a gussied-up fellow like you
doing in a place like this?
JAYNE
(to staring boy)
Shake your head, boy. Your eyes are stuck. Git!
The staring boy jumps and runs away.
WELL-DRESSED MAN
You wouldn't be looking for Kessler?
MAL
Just having a brew
WELL-DRESSED MAN
I knew a Kessler.
MAL
"Knew?"
WELL-DRESSED MAN
He was a good middleman. Low profile. Didn't filch.
Last week, the factory foreman and his prod crew
heard he was moving contraband through town.
Gave him a peck of trouble for it.
MAL
What kind of peck was that?
WELL-DRESSED MAN
The kind where they hacked off his hands and feet with
a machete, rolled him into the bog.
WASH
They peck pretty hard around here.
MAL
Listen, my client offworld is waiting for his
delivery. If the goods are gone...
WELL-DRESSED MAN
Not to worry. Your man's merchandise is here, safe
in Kessler's hiding place. We just got to figure
out how to get it across town without being seen
by the foreman and his prods. I advise we all
just lay low for a moment.
WELL-DRESSED MAN leaves
BUSKER starts to sing.
JAYNE
(Chinese)
[Yeh-soo ta ma duh.]
BUSKER
Jayne \ The man we call Jayne \ He robbed
from the rich and he gave to the poor \
Stood up to the Man and he gave him what for \
Our love for him now ain't hard to explain \
The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne \
Our Jayne saw the Mudders' backs breaking \
He saw the Mudders lament \ And he saw the
magistrate taking \ Every dollar and leaving
five cents \ So he said, "You can't do that
to my people" \ He said...
(singing continues)
MAL
(over singing)
Um...Jayne?
JAYNE
Yeah, Mal?
MAL
You got any light you'd like to shed on
this development?
JAYNE
No, Mal.
SIMON
No. This must be what going mad feels like.
Singing continues
MUDDERS
Our love for him now ain't hard to explain \
The Hero of Canton, the man they call Jayne
BUSKER
Now here is what separates heroes \ From
common folk like you and I \ The man they
call Jayne \ He turned 'round his plane \
And let that money hit the sky
JAYNE
Ohhh, I'll be gorrammed. That's where that
cash went. I stole that money from Higgins
just like the song says, lifted me one of
his hovercraft. But I got tagged by
anti-aircraft, started losing altitude.
Had dump them strongboxes to stay airborne.
Oh...60,000, untraceable. And I drop it right
square in the middle of mud-farmer central.
WASH
We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm the hero!
MUDDERS
(singing)
The man they call Jayne!
