I posted a very official looking message on the coffee and soda machines in the kitchens at my work today. It has caused some consternation:
Symantec to replace coffee and soda with selection of new, healthy teas
1April2004 - The facilities team, with the support of management, has decided to implement an exciting new change in the kitchens. In the interest of improving health and performance, coffee and soda will be removed from the kitchens and the tea selection will be expanded.
"This is an innovative new step towards securing our position as the world leader in security and infrastructure software," says Randy Clements, Chief Health Officer.
Citing chronic sleeplessness as a significant cause of tardiness, management hopes that the shift will help Symantec retain and expand our position in the global market.
How will this affect employees?
Over the next few days, all vending machines will be emptied and re-stocked with alternative drinks such as:
- Sparkling water
- XtremeChai
- Non-sparkling water
- Clamato clam juice
- Rockin' Distilled Water
"It is important to our customers that they can trust our judgment to be consistent and reliable " adds Brandon Mackle, Senior Director, Public Trust Department. "Recent journalist inquiries about the pervasiveness of caffeine and sugar in our organization has opened our eyes to this new threat to maintaining a strong public image. Our customers expect us to provide them with consistent, reliable service without resorting to stimulants."
(image of molecules)
Caffeine and sugar, enemies of productivity
When will the change take effect?
According to Charles Farley, Facility Management Supervisor, Santa Monica, the change will start on April 1, 2004. "We anticipate some resistance, but security will be on hand to ensure an orderly transition to healthy beverages".
For more information, please contact your manager or Human Resources.
