On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What
time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference........ If it is an
American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane,
it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an
Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and
120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
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During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced
colonel at the wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "yours
is."
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Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting
at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to
enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you
for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently
impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your telephone."
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Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
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An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when
the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think
I've been in a potatohouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife
doesn't know what the inside of a potatohouse smells like."
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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I
suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for
me
to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm
never going to stand in line again!"
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The elderly American gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. At French
Customs, he fumbled for his passport.
"You 'ave been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked
sarcastically. The old gent admitted that he had been to France
previously.
"Zen, you should know enough to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival
in France!"
The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly
explained.
"Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find
any Frenchmen to show it to."
