Author Topic: Jokes about Kerry from Leno (Read 340 times)

Jayclark · « **on:** July 12, 2004, 04:16:26 AM »

The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John
Kerry. You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he
has twice as many people mad at him." -Jay Leno

"We make jokes about it but the truth is this presidential election
really offers us a choice of two well-informed opposing positions on every issue. OK, they both belong to John Kerry, but they're still there." -Jay Leno

"President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating." -Jay Leno

"Well the good news for Democrats, now over half the country can
identify a picture of John Kerry. The bad news, the majority still thinks he's the dad from The Munsters." -Jay Leno

"John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them." -Jay Leno

"They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in
history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's
nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.'" -Jay Leno

CyranoAH · « **Reply #1 on:** July 12, 2004, 04:29:46 AM »

ROFL Good ones!

Jayclark · « **Reply #2 on:** July 12, 2004, 04:30:07 AM »

San Carlos, AZ

During a campaign tour of the Apache Nation Wednesday, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry said he had a plan to increase every Native American's income by $40,000 a year. Senator Kerry refused repeated requests for details of his plan, however. He also told the Apaches that during his Senate career, he has voted YES for every Indian issue ever introduced.

Before his departure, the Apache Tribe presented the Presidential candidate a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, Running Eagle.

After Kerry left, tribal officials explained that Running Eagle is a bird so full of **** it can't fly

crowMAW · « **Reply #3 on:** July 12, 2004, 06:28:59 AM »

Yeah, Leno has some funny ones...of course I liked these:

"The big story in Washington is that the Bush administration is desperate to find Osama bin Laden before the election. They are said to be using all means possible to find him. In fact today they typed his name into Google – which is a start. "

"Republicans are also looking for ways to boost President Bush’s approval rating. They might have him land on an aircraft carrier wearing a Spiderman costume."

"Today the Bush administration announced that gas prices have fallen for the sixth week in a row, and we can expect an continued downward trend . . . Yeah, right through, what, oh I don't know, maybe election day?"

This one is from Conan, but pretty good:

"It’s being reported that John Kerry and John Edwards are together worth more a half billion dollars...they are so rich now they are going to have to vote Republican."

Jayclark · « **Reply #4 on:** July 12, 2004, 04:38:20 PM »

lol, good ones.

AKWeav · « **Reply #5 on:** July 12, 2004, 05:03:31 PM »

"It’s being reported that John Kerry and John Edwards are together worth more a half billion dollars...they are so rich now they are going to have to vote Republican."

Er, didn't Kerry vote republican just before he voted democratic?