Friday jokes... 8)

[TheDudeDVant]

It was the first day of school and a new student named Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Martinez, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'" Again, no response except from Martinez: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Martinez.

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.  Martinez, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do. She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans. "Who said that?" she demanded. Martinez put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."  The teacher glares and asks, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Martinez says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Martinez jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little ****. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Martinez frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble!"

Martinez said, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

[muckmaw]

Thats a pretty good joke, but I'd never be able to retell it correctly.

[Edbert]

A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot that overlooked a golf course. He drove by and noticed a couple inside with the interior dome light on.
In the driver's seat there was a young man reading a computer magazine, while in the backseat was a young woman knitting. Recognizing this as unusual, the officer walked up to the driver's window and tapped on the glass, asking the man his name and what exactly he was doing.

The man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "My name is John and that's my girlfriend in the back seat."

"OK, so what are you doing?" asked the officer.

"What does it look like?" John answered. "I'm reading a magazine."

Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer asked, "And what's she doing?"

John looked over his shoulder and replied, "What does it look like? She's knitting, sir."

"And how old are you?" the officer asked John.

"I'm 25," John replied.

"And how old is she?" asked the officer.

John looked at his watch and said, "Well sir, in 12 minutes she'll be 18."

[pugg666]

A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

The man thought for a moment and said, "Well, I can think of one thing . . . I was on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, and I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I charged the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, "Now, back! off!! Or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?"

". . . Oh, about five minutes ago."

[TheDudeDVant]

LoL  .. This game rocks!  My record is 84m.. Will have to play more in abit.. I think I can beat it..

drunkerd!