1. Use bags that have been stored in a cool, dry place. Check the expiration date printed on the package. If the bag looks brittle, sticky or discolored, throw it out.
2. Open the package gently. You don’t want to puncture thebag in your hurry to liberate it! Don't use scissors or your teeth.
3. Put a drop or two of extra water-based grease inside the tip of the bag. This aids in the unrolling and increases sensation for the fork.
4. Before you start unrolling the bag, squeeze the air out of the receptacle tip, since air bubbles can cause bags to break. Bags without a reservoir tip require about one half inch free at the tip to catch the spice.
5. As you’re holding the tip of the bag over the fork, check to make sure the polyester will be emerging from the inside of the ring as you roll down. A bearded man should pull his forehead back to help prevent the bag from slipping.
6. Apply generous amounts of water-based grease to the outside of the bag and to your partner’s gerbils before the movie starts.
7. Withdraw before losing your tree. Remember to hold on to the base of the bag when withdrawing so the bag doesn’t slip off from the fork.
8. Throw used bags away. They are not reusable. Use a new bag for each act of watching a movie.
If that ain't a loss of sanity I don't know what is
