some DS snipits.. Fun for all!

[TheDudeDVant]

Everyone knows there are constitutional qualifications one has to meet in order to run for President of the United States: you have to be at least 35 years old, you have to have born in this country, and you have to agree to sit down with your wife and be interviewed by Dr. Phil......

Kerry, of course, demonstrated his ability to give strong, clear, consistent answers to questions, answering Mrs. Phil's question of, "Do you think one daughter's more like you than the other?" with, "Yes. No. Well, that's... gosh, I'd like to say yes but I guess... yes. The answer is yes... that's why I hesitate, because, in some ways Alexandra is more like me, and in other ways Vanessa is more like me." The interview was then interrupted by Alexandra and Vanessa Kerry, who stormed in, wearing flip-flop costumes.

 

After presenting his running mate with a congratulatory sacrificial basket of kittens for a job well done in the vice presidential debate, President George W. Bush was back on the campaign trail in the vital swing state of Pennsylvania, delivering a scorching indictment of his opponent, John Kerry, to a completely random group of Americans who were only contractually obligated to support him.....

Bush also spoke out against the evils of frivolous lawsuits in this country, using the opportunity to take a shot at his vice opponent, senator John Edwards, saying, "Lawsuits are driving good doctors out of practice. We need a president who will stand up to the trial lawyers in Washington, not put one on the ticket." Instead, Bush suggests that we try a vice president from a "noble profession," like war profiteering or doing business with Iran.

he interview focused on domestic policy within the Bush family, and one of the big topics was the role of discipline in child-rearing, with Dr. Phil asking, "Were y'all spankers? Didja spank 'em?" He continued, "Because I'm fascinated by this. I mean, professionally. This whole issue about whether you used to slap Jenna's bum. Just let it all out."

But the president quickly explained that as in most things, he preferred using words to action, saying, "Not really, not really. I would use harsher rhetoric than Laura, but not mean, just kind of, ‘You've crossed a red line and don't cross it again.’” Adding, "And then if they crossed it, I’d threaten to bomb 'em. That usually worked."

The doctor solicited words of hope from the first family for struggling parents, asking, "If there was something you could say to the parents of America to give them the strength to hang in and go on; we've got epidemic levels of oral sex in middle schools." That marked only the second time in history a sitting president has been questioned on camera about oral.

hehe humor to me!

[TheDudeDVant]

2/05/2004

The past week has been tough for the news business. Between the failure of U.S. intelligence, nuclear secrets being sold by Pakistan and a Democratic campaign that could change the course of the nation in November, it's been hard to know what to cover first, forcing the networks to choose their priorities. Naturally, they've chosen Janet Jackson's nipples.

TThe media has had a field day being shocked -- shocked! -- by the inappropriate-for-children Janet Jackson Super Bowl breast-exposing footage. The footage has been shown so often that it is actually now filling in for MSNBC's terror alert. The nation is at level "aroused."

Michael Powell, chairman of the F.C.C. Leading the investigation, says, "I think it's deplorable. I think at a time when Americans are sitting around watching one of the most celebrated television events of the year with their children and families, to have such sort of juvenile and shocking behavior enter the family rooms of families is really outrageous." It's every parent's nightmare: to have juvenile behavior seen by their children.

Still, despite multiple airings of Jackson's televised apology, the more shocking reaction came from the exposer himself, Justin Timberlake, who said, "I just like to give y'all something to talk about." It's a proud day for the U.S. when the most direct and honest words come from a professional lip syncer.

[Scootter]

Yawn,

[Martlet]