I have already fortified my property with a moat that has gators and crocs roaming around in it with laser beams on their fricken heads. I also employed some homeless to guard my house with bows 'n arrows, and to act as shields for my valuables. They work at a surprisingly low rate of one rock per day.
All the Bush and Kerry signs I stole are working wonders for shielding my car from vandals that are keying or spray painting cars.
Today, I am a king.
-SW