If it is that simple, and I'm not sure it is, it's just something you have to learn for yourself. I generally find that if the stall horn is on at all in the planes I find, I am losing performance. It isn't an angle of attack so much as an airspeed that gives you maximum performance, but I see what you mean.
I use the very onset of stall. The very low volume early stage, and I try to keep it right on the edge of no buzzer at all. I think I do it more by "feel" than anything, what I mean is that I notice when the plane mushes out and stops turning as well... when I have crossed that invisible line. On some planes you can push it closer to the edge, where as on others the stall is very quick and you can't afford to push it as close to the edge as others.
I'm sure at some point HTC will put Force Feedback support in AH. When they do, I expect one of the only effects folks will use is the stall tickle. However, that effect I would imagine is simply a force version of the stall horn. Whether this is an effect you feel or a sound you hear is largely irrelevant.
BTW, what sims have this "wing buffeting" feature that you mention? Does this work in conjunction with a stall horn? Don't they sever the same purpose, really?
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Lephturn - Chief Trainer
A member of The Flying Pigs
http://www.flyingpigs.com "A pig is a jolly companion, Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt --
A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale, Though mountains may topple and tilt.
When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you, When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,
Though you may be thrown over by Tabby and Rover, You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig,
You'll never go wrong with a pig!" -- Thomas Pynchon, "Gravity's Rainbow"