Author Topic: Its that time of year for the annual Santa jokes: (Read 860 times)

Ripsnort · « **on:** November 30, 2001, 01:39:00 PM »

Post them here!

If Santa were Creamo, and answered his mail honestly...
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer yer Frend,
Fredyy

Dear Freddy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a f@&$king book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his bellybutton constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the tulips of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to
know.
Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? What a 'Tard. Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again this year, TARD!.
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your bellybutton whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Boroda · « **Reply #1 on:** November 30, 2001, 01:52:00 PM »

AAAAAAAA!!!!

Rip, please, next time write a warning for those who have a full glass in their hand!

I'll translate it to Russian and post somewhere if you don't mind!

batdog · « **Reply #2 on:** November 30, 2001, 01:56:00 PM »

Funny but disturbing...

Ripsnort · « **Reply #3 on:** November 30, 2001, 02:25:00 PM »

Be my guest Borodo, make sure to give Creamo credit if they know him.

R4M · « **Reply #4 on:** November 30, 2001, 02:37:00 PM »

Kratzer · « **Reply #5 on:** November 30, 2001, 02:50:00 PM »

The final one was pretty good.

Maverick · « **Reply #6 on:** November 30, 2001, 02:54:00 PM »

Is Marky the English version of Boroda???

<GDR>

eskimo2 · « **Reply #7 on:** November 30, 2001, 03:00:00 PM »

Those were great Rip!
LOL.

Thanks for taking the time to write and post them.

eskimo

Ripsnort · « **Reply #8 on:** November 30, 2001, 03:13:00 PM »

I cannot take credit, this is a email joke I had from last year, just editted Creamo into it.

Hangtime · « **Reply #9 on:** November 30, 2001, 03:37:00 PM »

Santa fly's a 109. Sometimes I've seen him in a Flack Panzer.

His reindeer are gay.

He wears leiderhozen. Leather. Black. With a hole in the ass.

Little Billy and Sweet Sue will be scarred for life when he pops out their chiminey.

Durr · « **Reply #10 on:** November 30, 2001, 07:14:00 PM »

[ 12-14-2001: Message edited by: Durr ]

StSanta · « **Reply #11 on:** November 30, 2001, 07:38:00 PM »

Hang's got it. He just forgot to say that I got a trimmer for the hair that grows around my anal orifice. Gotta keep it neat and tidy, according to the rules of the Latex ManLady Ruler.

If I was Creamo? Please. More of this: this sort of humiliation I usually have to pay through my bleeding nose for.

<scratches crotch>

Hey Hangtime, did your rashes ever disappear? I fear I've given you a present that's resistant to all but the newest forms of penicillin.

Oh, and yeah. I hate this time of the year.

Hangtime · « **Reply #12 on:** November 30, 2001, 08:11:00 PM »

Nah, I'm kewl Santa, but thanks for askin... I pre-dosed.

Pass on to yer four-eyed reindeer wingie that I think his new bikini wax looks simply charming on you..

.. and yah better get the resta yer midgets on the company Rx plan, pronto.

Creamo · « **Reply #13 on:** December 02, 2001, 07:28:00 AM »

This thread has turned terribly wrong. We got shaved orifices and the like,yikes!

I like it.

Still, remember Drippy’s post’s consist of browsing the internet and posting discovered day old news or pictures to comment on, adding nothing new or clever.

(Pry time building a 7 line SIG’s, and racing a factory model car, but who’s to say.)

Bottom line, clever and Drippy are rarely connected, although he does make a good internet browser update newscaster.