Heh, leonid. Am not doing terribly well with the aging thing. Am gonna turn 27 this summer.
Soon, much of the "potential" (read: dreams) will be very hard to realize. A few years more, and the chicks I can get will be more wrinkled than a Russian crackpotato crossed with a bloodhound.
I gotta realize my potential NOW. But, to do that, I need an education, and money. To get that, I need to basically do nothing but study, and have no money. But if I do that, I get even older before I can do the stuff I want, and then I might just miss my opportunity!
Am also, for the first time in my life, seeing small traces of fat that isn't strictly necessary on my body. I don't recover from hangovers quite as well, and am finding it less fun to jump in pools of water.
Ah, and soon, I'll be in the disease soon too. Hell, my body is already starting to deteriorate. Awareness of death has become an almost constant companion, but I attribute that to the shock value of not only realizing but also accepting that I'm immortal.
Oh, and age of insanity is creeping up too. Sometimes, I can feel myself pulled into very destructive, naughty thoughts that aren't very sane at all, but feel devilishly good to have.
One night stands aren't as much fun as they used to be. The thrill of the hunt is almost entirely gone, yet there is a strong sense that remaining single is probably more healthy mentally. Getting involved in a relationship would result in mental anguish - and being tied up, the very thing I want to avoid. So, that one is a no win too - cannot keep on doing what I've done until now, coz it ain't fun anymore, and cannot take the next step, because that'd limit the potential.
Besides, if you get together, or married even, with this chick - how can you keep the dream of "the perfect one" alive - even if you know it's an utter illusion?
I don't expect to live to be 75. Grandfather died just over 55 from a bad heart, and my father is at that age also struggling with heart problems. I still have a bad habit of doing impulsive things (and I hope this will reamin with me til I die).
I've lived half my life now, if I've inherited the bad heart condition thing. Half my life. The mere thought sends shrieks of terror through my body. My decaying body.
Your advice is succint and well put, and exactly what I have in mind doing. But it is the age old question of freedom vs security - if I take the liberty to do those things which add so much value to life, the very same things might take away life.
I must not become anymore careful than I am now. I must not cave in and trade experiences for security. Atheists have one shot at life, and we better make the damned best we can outta it. Man. I wish I was a theist and had the whole eternal life thing going.
Need to get experience on the market as well, so I can get hired. Must get funds so I can study the last year in the US, and thus have a good opportunity to make money. Must emigrate, or stagnate, falter and fail. But is the US the right place? I want a special kind of people around me - quite like the chaps on this BB - well educated, utterly relaxed, people who do not take themselves too seriously and aren't too interested in money for the sake of status. The impression I have of the US is that in general, the status thing is very important, as is putting yourself in a good light, always. Cannot do that, I just need to chill a lot, and call the BS when I see it. Hm.
LOL, getting carried away here. Ehm, abck to topic: how have you guys experienced fear changed with age, and how do you deal with aging?
Leonid: excellent advice
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