Hey guys, greets from beautiful, scenic Tikrit. So far so good. Everything is nice and quiet here for the most part. In fact, this place is reminding me more of Bosnia circa 1996-1997 than the Iraq I left early last year.
We still have two major combatant forces challenging our manifest supremacy in this area, however. They are ruthless, persistent forces with the robotic determination of the Borg and are armed with the relentless, heartless tenacity of a Jehova's Witness at supper time. They are:
1. Dust
2. Pigeons
Against the dusty foe, I have armed myself with tube upon tube of "Caulk-It" (registered trademark, General Electric Company, 2002). I have accessorized my weapon with the latest in precision applicator nozzle technology for those hard to make shots, and my weapon is resealable so as to keep my powder dry and ready for use at a moment's notice. I remain vigilant in my well-prepared defensive position deep within the building I live in. (Yes, I live in a 4-walled structure with a roof this time. I even have electricity!)
Against the avian soldiers of the Ansar al Sunnah Army, I am thus far relatively defenseless except for my keen situational awareness and ninja-like reflexes. They take potshots at me almost daily as I step outside for my evening cigar and coffee ritual. (Apparently, pigeons have no respect for western tradition. Infidels!) Much like the loitering FW190, they like to wait until you're thoroughly distracted or otherwise engaged before swooping in for the easy kill. I've had a couple of close calls...one shot landed about an inch from the toe of my boot with an audible splat. I mocked my shooter and threw a few expletives his way to which he retorted with a series of "coo..cooo...flap.flap..coo" which in the local pigeon dialect I am told means "DETH TO AMREEKA!!!" One day, wiseguy...I'll get you.
Every few days I make the pilgrimage to the internet cafe (LOL!) to get sitreps on the homefront. Apparently, fifth columnists have taught my 10 year old son some dirty knock-knock jokes. Is nothing sacred anymore?
To borrow a line from the famous internet film clip, the situation here is as volatile as ever. We remain vigilant, as always. Nothing further to report.
