1. If you have something really, really important to do, whether it's "squad night", work, or much-needed housecleaning, your child will suddenly be sticken with an incurable case of insomnia, that can only be rectified by watching really crappy videos with them.
If you have absolutely NOTHING to do, there's nothing good on TV, your squaddies are taking the night off, and you had a big evening of Candyland and card games planned, your child will fall into a deep slumber at 8:15pm on the couch.
2. Children don't care that you've just fried chicken using your grandmother's recipe, that the mashed potatoes are made from scratch using red potatoes, or that you cooked green beans from the farmer's market. All things considered, they would have preferred Kraft macaroni & cheese.
3. The only time a child will beat you to the door after the doorbell rings is when they are not wearing clothes.
4. No matter what the size, clothes they do not want to wear will not "fit."
5. Without even being able to read prices, children will always pick out the most ridiculously expensive popsicles on the first try.
6. Children will only pick up the phone if it's an important business call. A child can detect the ring of a phone solicitor, and will always avoid them like the plague.
7. After only a few minutes of being wrapped up in a blanket, cats get eerily quiet.
8. No one's children are as intelligent, good-looking, and neat as yours.
9. All wrongs can be instanly righted with a big hug, a kiss, and the statement, "You're the bestest Daddy in the whole WORLD!"
Mk
