The Los Angeles Driver's License Application Since driving conditions (and culture) are
unique in L.A., you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor
Vehicles has now issued a special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles
Metropolitan Area. Here it is:
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name: ___________________________
Stage name: __________________________
Agent's Name: __________________________
Attorney's Name: _______________________
Actual Age: _____ Admitted Age: ______
Sex:
[ ] male [ ] female [ ] formerly male [ ] formerly female [ ] both [ ] neither
If female, indicate breast implant size: _______
Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any
way? Yes [ ] No [ ]
Occupation:
[ ] Lawyer [ ] Actor/Waiter [ ] Film-maker/Self-employed [ ] Writer [ ] Car Dealer
[ ] Pan-handler [ ] Agent [ ] Hooker/Transvestite [ ] Other; please
explain:___________________________
Please list brand of cell phone: ________________________ (If you don't own a cell
phone, please explain.) ________________
Please check hair color:
Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skin-head
Men: Please list shade of hair plugs ________________
Please indicate if you have Automobile Insurance: [ ] Yes [ ] No
If Yes, please explain: _________________
Please check activities you perform while driving (Check all that apply):
[ ] Eating a wrap [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the
back seat [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application) [ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety [ ] Surfing the net via laptop [ ] Reading a book or newspaper.
Please indicate how many times:
a) you expect to shoot at other drivers _____
b) and how many times you expect to be shot at while driving ____.
If you are the victim of a car-jacking, you should immediately:
a) [ ] Call the police to report the crime; b) [ ] Call Channel 4 News
