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Wicked Witch & Flying Monkeys to Patrol N. Korean Airspace!
Written by Seven Sharp Pencils
North Koreans Deploy Wicked Witch & Flying Monkeys
(Pyongyang) The North Korean government today announced that it had “outsourced” the task of patrolling North Korean airspace to the Wicked Witch of the West of Wizard of Oz fame as well as her infamous squadrons of flying monkeys. Military analysts in Washington believe that the surprise move was motivated by North Korea’s apparent inability to afford the modern, highly sophisticated military aircraft currently available on world weapons markets.
President Bush told reporters that he thought “this is an ominous development and a real threat to world peace. I can tell you for sure, that wicked witch and them flying monkeys is real scary and the world shouldn’t oughta have to put up with this.”
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was a bit more blasé about the news, saying that “We can counter their Wicked Witch of the West and her flying monkeys any time. We had hoped to keep it a secret, but I guess the time is right to announce that the Pentagon, at my insistence, has contracted with Dumbo the Flying Elephant to patrol the air space surrounding North Korea.”
When asked how many flying elephants the U.S. planned to deploy around North Korea Mr. Rumsfeld replied, “I think one ought to be enough. Pound for pachydermal pound, Dumbo is worth more than any witch and a gazillion of those flying monkeys.”
Japanese leaders have lodged a formal protest with the North Koreans. "If we get any of that monkey crap falling into Tokyo swimming pools and fountains, there's gonna be hell to pay!" fumed Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi. "We're not putting up with any monkey business from those North Korean Neanderthals."
The Wicked Witch of the West is said to have received billions in North Korean government bonds as advance payment for the services.
“What a big dummy!” snickered a Wall Street analyst specializing in junk bonds. “I wouldn’t buy North Korean government bonds to wrap my fish in!”
China, France and Russia seemed disappointed by the decision of the North Korean government to employ the Wicked Witch of the West and her flying monkeys. Each of those nations had planned to market their own weapons systems to the North Koreans."
