Originally posted by cav58d
What is your wifes major problem with your mother? If I were in your situation, I would ask of my wife to reconcile with my mother, and if that was not possible, then I would end the relationship
I have asked, but it's never worked. Even before they ever met, the wife was convinced that they(my parents) would hate her. It was a fear that she constantly told me about. Of course when they did meet, almost a year after Irina and I got together, Irina, the then future wife, took every sign, word, gesture and joke to mean that they do, in fact, despise her. They never dispised her. They showered her with gifts, tried to become friends with her, drank withher, laughed with her...no matter, everything they did was somehow underhanded. One time, I remember, after visiting them at their home, my mother tried to give us some food to take home with us. I didn't hear the end of it. It was as if my mother was trying to invade our lives, take charge, subjugate the wife, take over her roll, everything. She as just trying to give us food. My mother, besides being that, is also a grandmother to my nephews. She does stuff like that, and I value it. And if it's not valued, it should, at the very least, be taken for what it is, and not read-into fifteen layers deep. Nevertheless, that was a slap in the face, and so were countless other acts. The bottom line--the ideas that Irina had to begin with never changed. She just found ways to reinforce her beliefs. She's a master of convincing herself that she's right, and there's no way to convince her otherwise.
I definitely tried to make her happy. Made the phone calls more rare. Made the visits more seldom. Nothing was enough. Nothing short of a total break. At that I draw the line. Again, not even so much because I need my folks or they need me, but because the request is not indicative of the love and respect I think I deserve from her. I would never ask her to ditch her folks, as idiotic as I find them to be sometimes, I understand that they are unique and not to be trifled with. Incidentally, her contact with her parents is at least 5 fold what mine is with my folks. It can be irritating, occasionally, but, at the end of the day, I'm glad she has that much more love in her life.
At this point, my mother is a fascist who's bent on destroying me, my marriage and my wife's sanity. They haven't spoken in months, and yet the evil that my mother, my entire family, for that matter, represents, grows daily. Irina's brain is in the process of nuclear fission. The chain reaction has begun, it's heat and explosive potential is growing by the nanosecond, and there's no stopping it.
Originally posted by Masherbrum
Perfection here. Couldn't agree more. My added advice, do NOT reconcile.
Well, as far as maturity goes, I'm not about to vouch for my ageless wisdom. I have a ton to learn, without a doubt. I dealt withmy jealousy and, for the most part, tamed it. Nevertheless, I didn't make ultimatums, I didn't resort to blackmail. All I asked for was peace, for which I made plenty of changes, both inside my mind in my life as a whole. Was I ready for this? Perhaps not. I doubt that most people are ready for marriage when they engage in it. It is something you grow into, to a certain extent. Make all the conclusions you want in this regard, but the issue here is an untenable situation brought on by an unacceptable request. My major fault here was my inability/unwillingness to make the choice I was asked. If that's immature, then so am I.
