Orlando SentinelBased on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everett Sanchez triedto wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Provingonce again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed tostraddle the ball washer and dangle his apple in the machine. Much to hisdismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on themachine with Sanchez's apple in place, thus wedging them solidly in themechanism.Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbledfrom his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washerwas more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in anormal stance, and the apple was the weakest link. Sanchez's apple wasripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him foreverand remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressedand flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and therotating machinery inside.To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300 driver that he had justpurchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez wasrushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining two were asked toleave the course.
Originally posted by Nifty:At least he won't be able to procreate now.
Originally posted by pugg666:www.darwinawards.comhe's worthy of an honorable mention only, because he hasn't completely removed himself from the gene pool
(February 1998) Matthew and his friends were sliding down a Mammoth Mountain ski run on a foam pad at 3am, when he crashed into a lift tower and died. His makeshift sledge of yellow foam had been stolen from the legs of a lift tower on Stump Alley. The cushion is meant to protect skiers who hit the tower, and the tower Matthew ran into was the one from which he had created his sledge. There's a moral in there somewhere. DarwinAwards.com © 1994 - 2001
(1997 - 1998) "In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Ragout, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' my cue that he'd had reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him." At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman desribed what happened next."The match ignited a pocket of intestinal methane gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, ignited Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon, which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract. Sadly, Ragout the gerbil did not survive the incident.
