Author Topic: Product Warnings  (Read 330 times)

Offline Meatwad

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Product Warnings
« on: November 11, 2006, 10:47:56 PM »
* "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet. [New!]

* "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

* "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

* "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

* "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

* "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

* "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

* "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

* "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

* "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

* "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

* "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

* "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

* "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

* "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

* "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

* "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

* "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

* "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

* "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

* "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

* "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

* "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

* "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

* "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

* "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

* "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

* "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

* "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

* "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

* "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

* "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

* "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

* "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

* "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

* "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

* "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

* "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

* "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

* "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

* "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

* "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

* "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

* "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

* "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

* "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

* "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

* "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

* "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

* "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

* "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

* "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

* "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

* "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

* "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

* "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

* "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

* "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

* "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

* "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

* "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

* "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

* "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

* "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

* "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

* "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

* "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

* "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

* "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

* "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

* "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

* "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

* "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

* "Safe for use around pets." -- On a box of Arm & Hammer Cat Litter.

* "Do not use house paint on face." -- In a Visa commercial that depicts an expecting couple looking for paint at a hardware store.

* "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean.

* "Always drive on roads. Not on people." -- From a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert.

* "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at bus stops everywhere.

* "Do not sit under coconut trees." -- A sign on a coconut palm in a West Palm Beach park circa 1950.

* "All cups leaving this store, rather full or empty, must be paid for." -- A sign in a Cumberland Farms in Hillsboro, New Hampshire.

* "Malfunction: Too less water." -- A notice left on a coffee machine.

* "Fits one head." -- On a hotel-provided shower cap box.

* "No small children." -- On a laundromat triple washer.

* "Warning: Ramp Ends In Stairs." -- A sign, correctly describing the end of a concrete ramp intended for handicap access to a bridge.

* "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building.

* "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.

Ingredients:

* "Ingredients: Artificially bleached flour, sugar, vegetable fat, yeast, salt, gluten, soya flour, emulsifier 472 (E) & 481, flour treatment agents, enzymes, water. May contain: fruit." -- The ingredients list on a package of fruit buns.

* "100% pure yarn." -- On a sweater.

* "Some materials may irritate sensitive skin. Please look at the materials if you believe this may be the case.
Materials:
Covering: 100% Unknown.
Stuffing: 100% Unknown."
-- On a pillow.

Instructions:

* "Remove the plastic wrapper." -- The first instruction on a bag of microwave popcorn; to see the instructions, one first has to remove the plastic wrapper and unfold the pouch.

* "Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone." -- On a box of pills.

* "Open packet. Eat contents." -- Instructions on a packet of airline peanuts.

* "Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat." -- Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11.

* "Use like regular soap." -- On a bar of Dial soap.

* "Instructions: usage known." -- Instructions on a can of black pepper.

* "Serving suggestion: Defrost." -- On a Swann frozen dinner.

* "Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants." -- On a bag of cat biscuits.

* "In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors." -- In a car manual.

* "Please include the proper portion of your bill." -- On the envelope for an auto insurance bill.

* "The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position." -- Instructions for an espresso kettle.

* "Optional modem required." -- On a computer software package.
See Rule 19- Do not place sausage on pizza.
I am No-Sausage-On-Pizza-Wad.
Das Funkillah - I kill hangers, therefore I am a funkiller. Coming to a vulchfest near you.
You cant tie a loop around 400000 lbs of locomotive using a 2 foot rope - Drediock on fat women

Offline FBplmmr

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Product Warnings
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2006, 11:07:38 PM »
"people are stupid" should come on the first diaper you get from the hospital.

Offline Gunslinger

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Product Warnings
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2006, 09:16:15 AM »
Reminds me of the "happy fun ball"

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.
Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Happy Fun Ball Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.


Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:
Itching
Vertigo
Dizziness
Tingling in extremities
Loss of balance or coordination
Slurred speech
Temporary blindness
Profuse sweating
Heart palpitations

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration...

Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Happy Fun Ball

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

Offline john9001

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Product Warnings
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2006, 09:57:10 AM »
CALL 1-800-TRIAL LAWYER if you have been injured by any product, even if it was your fault, you pay nothing unless we win big.

Offline eskimo2

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Product Warnings
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2006, 10:20:10 AM »
Those are great!  Thanks.

Here's a disclaimer on my high school class reunion website:

Disclaimer
If you think you have a MEDICAL OR PSYCHIATRIC EMERGENCY, CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY or go to the nearest hospital. DO NOT attempt to access emergency care through this web site. An emergency medical condition is a medical or psychiatric condition that manifests itself by acute symptoms of sufficient severity (including severe pain) such that you could reasonably expect the absence of immediate medical attention to result in any of the following: serious jeopardy to your health, serious impairment to your bodily functions, or serious dysfunction of any bodily organ or part. An emergency medical condition is also "active labor," which means a labor when there is inadequate time for safe transfer to a Plan hospital (or designated hospital) before delivery or if a transfer poses a threat to the health of the member or unborn child.

Offline DREDIOCK

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Product Warnings
« Reply #5 on: November 12, 2006, 10:32:40 AM »
* "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

Reminds me of one of my latest favorites I see on TV all the time

"Warning. May cause Fatigue or Drowsiness"- The disclaimer for Ambien ( a sleep aid)

Well frikking DUH!! Isnt that the whole point in taking it?





* "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

I know some folks that would dissagree with this.
But we wont get into that here lmao
Death is no easy answer
For those who wish to know
Ask those who have been before you
What fate the future holds
It ain't pretty

Offline Billy Joe Bob

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Product Warnings
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2006, 12:54:16 PM »
wheres that one guy with the warning in his signature?

Offline Estes

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Product Warnings
« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2006, 11:06:04 PM »
Quote
Originally posted by DREDIOCK
* "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

Reminds me of one of my latest favorites I see on TV all the time

"Warning. May cause Fatigue or Drowsiness"- The disclaimer for Ambien ( a sleep aid)

Well frikking DUH!! Isnt that the whole point in taking it?





* "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

I know some folks that would dissagree with this.
But we wont get into that here lmao


Whats that other sleeping pill..Lunesta? Is that right? Seen the ad for it the other day, along with the Ambien "Do not drive or operate machinery until you know how you will react"  That's the last thing on my mind when I pop a sleeping pill..."Mary, I'm going to go plow the field!" -edit- the warnings on coke bottles, about it exploding or popping off. I've never had that happen, always wanted to see it anyway. -edit-

Offline JB88

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Product Warnings
« Reply #8 on: November 13, 2006, 12:55:55 AM »
do not taunt happy fun ball.

one of my favorite lines ever.

:rofl
this thread is doomed.
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To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield. -Ulysses.

word.