The election of the US Government is complex. The two real parties, the Republicans and Democrats, put forward candidates to be chief warlord ("President") and tribal elders ("senators"). The pretend parties have their own candidates, but that's just a funny little joke they play, because they know nobody is going to vote for them.
Then the people of the United States gather for conventions, where they get signed autographs of the two real candidates and have their pictures taken with that guy from Babylon 5. At these conventions, they inspect the candidates' postures, teeth, hair and clothes. Hardcore voters may also inspect the party policies, which are usually written in disappearing ink.
There then follows a complex voting process:
Voter writes down the name of the candidate they would most like to be President.
Voter writes down the name of the party they most prefer.
Both names are converted to numbers using the enigma code. These numbers are jumbled at random and added together.
Voter then thinks of favorite flavor of ice-cream. If their original candidate likes the same flavour, add 1000 onto the previous score. If the candidate does not, deduct 1000 points. These are doubled if the voter has a high perception skill. If the candidate does not eat ice cream because he is a vegan, then a Green Party member has somehow got in and a new election must be called.
Number is then divided by fifteen and rounded up to one decimal point.
A +2 die of entanglement is thrown. This figure is multiplied by the first number the voter thought of.
Voter chooses a card from the deck. If it is a black card, deduct 100. If it is a red card, add 150. If it is a joker, repeat previous step. Aces wild. If the current President is a Republican, all black cards are removed from deck before play.
This final figure may be skewed by the electoral campaigns, which take the form of painted but otherwise identical monkeys flinging **** at each other.
On voting day, voter inputs number into RepubliCom voting machine and collects fuel coupons.
Final tallies are added together for each state, then ignored as the Electorial College decides it with a coin toss.
