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Despite their anti-racism and liberalism as adults, however, Josephine and Judy now resist identification as Anglo-Indians. For example, Josephine characterized her accent as more Anglo-Indian than her mother's more "metropolitan" British accent, but she contradicted her husband Charles' complimentary characterization of her as "more Anglo-Indian than British." In this context, Josephine asserted her Englishness, though elsewhere in our interviews she distanced herself from it, expressing her "loyalty" to the United States, where she has lived most of her life. Her upbringing, and specifically her identification with her family, seems to be what made her English—not a sense of racial whiteness or belonging to the country itself. 14
The sisters' childhood identification with Anglo-Indians, and even with Pakistanis, characterize their first memories of England. For example, each remembers her surprise at seeing white men doing menial jobs, but both are anxious to dispel criticisms that their surprise was racist. Judy remembers their train pulling into Liverpool Street Station.
Jo and I were both amazed, and me in particular, that the porters on the station were English. I found that very difficult. I couldn't understand why they weren't Indian, why they weren't Pakistani, because I had never actually seen anybody European serving. It had always been Pakistanis—not that I thought of them as people who only served, but they were the only people who ever served as bearers or cooks or porters, and so I found it very peculiar in England that these people were actually English [laughter]. I expected them to be Indian or Pakistani for some reason, not African or anything else, but Indian or Pakistani, and I found that very strange that they weren't.
While avoiding a simple binary view of race that would equate Indians and Africans within a larger category of "blacks" or "nonwhites," in such memories Judy conflates "Indian-ness" and "Pakistani-ness," reflecting her colonial upbringing and highlighting a visible racial gulf between South Asians and Europeans. 15
Further demonstrating the contingency of ethnic identities and the problematic location of "home," the sisters' recollections of their initial interactions with schoolmates in England develop distinctions between the categories "English," "foreigner," and "Indian" or "Pakistani." In this context, Judy and Josephine became "Indians" and even "foreigners," contradicting Commonwealth idealism about harmony, friendship and a common British heritage among the family of nations. Judy remembers her introduction to Vardean, a girls' grammar school in Brighton:
I found school in England extremely difficult. Everything was very different, because I had led a completely different life, and although we'd had English girls in our school in Pakistan, there weren't as many foreigners in England, very few, and very few Pakistanis or Indians. And so of course, when they found that I was, had come, from India; I got a lot of taunting. They used to chant "She's the girl from India," and they thought it was all very strange. They'd ask me questions like "Did my mother live in a tree? And was she black?" Now with television and with so many people in this country, that's gone, but in those days it was very rare to have been away in India.
As children, the sisters welcomed the family's return to Pakistan in 1949. As the 1950s progressed, however, they recognized that it was becoming, to use Josephine's phrase, "not my place anymore." They faced the challenge of carving out a future without the benefit of the imperial institutions taken for granted by their parent's generation. In this setting, middle-class femininity and domesticity emerged as their primary identity, inflecting other forms of belonging, including nationality. 16
Josephine, who was born in 1938 and is the elder of the two sisters, trained to become a teacher. She taught for a year in the late 1950s, first in Karachi and then in Peshawar. She also worked briefly in Peshawar as a radio announcer, reading the news in English. Despite the lack of enthusiasm of some family members, she became engaged temporarily to a Pakistani military pilot. While such a commitment would have enabled her to remain in the country that still felt more like home than any other, and although her fiancé's class background was comparable to her own, over time the marriage would have taken her away from the privileged cosmopolitanism of her family's social milieu, eroding Josephine's status as a European and curtailing her independence as a woman. During our interviews, Josephine spoke to me at length about some of her former school friends, most of them Anglo-Indians. The majority married Pakistani men. By her account, many of the marriages turned out unfortunately, with the women disappearing into purdah, deferring to their husbands and mothers-in-laws, and losing their previous Anglo-Indian identities in new Pakistani ones. Being unmarried and supporting oneself through a traditionally-feminized occupation did not offer a brighter future, as Josephine explained when she recounted to me the tragic fate of a particular friend who became an air stewardess on Pakistan International Airlines and then perished in a crash. By telling these stories about other women, Josephine contextualized her own life, indirectly presenting the options she may believe she had as a young woman. 17
To a large extent Josephine's experiences reflect the re-domestication of middle-class women in post-World War II western societies. As decolonization transformed Raj-era ethnic categories, undermining the prestige both of Anglo-Indians and Britons, shoring up gender role boundaries may have provided an alternative source of apparent stability and social belonging within a community undergoing rapid change. Even when recollecting dramatic public events and confrontations, such as those surrounding Suez, Josephine presents them in personal terms that rely upon the gendered social conventions of her community. For example:
In Pakistan at the time I was growing up, the issues that were important and that involved us in sometimes unpleasant ways in the 'fifties were the Suez Crisis and—well any issue through the Middle East [which] they would take on as a) a Muslim issue and b) a colonial issue.
We knew a couple of tense moments when Britain bombed the canal. In fact, during that time, we had gone shopping. We had a small Fiat station wagon, and my father was driving, and my grandmother, my brother and I were in the car, when we turned a corner smack into a mob. Absolutely into a mob. They had overturned a car in front of us. We never saw who was in the car. We never knew who had been in the car. There wasn't anyone in it at the time. They'd pulled some people off bicycles, Anglo-Indian people, etcetera, and we came straight around into this mob of people who stopped the car, hit on the windows and on the top of the car and were trying to push at it. They lay down in front of the car to stop us. And my father opened the window a little bit and he said, "I'm just giving you warning that I'm driving at you." And he did. He just revved up the engine, and he drove at them, and they leapt up. And we got through it, but it was very, very frightening. [We were] surrounded by very angry looking faces. They would have done it if they could have. They had obviously overturned another car. Then they came around collecting money for the Suez crisis, at one point, during those days somewhere, and then it was all over.
On the other hand, you could meet somebody who might even have been in that mob, and you met him on the street or in somebody's home, and he was just as kind as he could be. It wasn't an individual thing; it was a mob thing. It was everybody getting together.
At the same time, I was acting in a Shakespearean play. There was an English professor at the university, a Miss Harbottle, who was very dramatic, and she actually put on Shakespeare all the time, so I was involved with that for a while. A lot of Pakistanis, well mostly Pakistanis, some English people, and we were doing Twelfth Night at that time. I had a very good friend, a Pakistani friend, and I was teaching him to ballroom dance on the sidelines, while we were waiting to go on. And then another friend said: "Don't teach him to dance. He was out there stoning your High Commission today." And he said: "Don't worry about it. That was my morning work. I don't hold it against you." And he didn't. That was the thing.
He didn't, and I didn't hold it against him. He was out doing what he thought he had to do. He was a university student at the time, and they were mostly the ones who were demonstrating anyway.
Years later when my parents were in Afghanistan and drove down into Peshawar one day, my father almost ran over a man, and it turned out to be this guy. He was so pleased to see them and wanted to know how I was doing and all the rest of it, years later. So that was the kind of thing.
I also ran into another mob. I was driving my grandmother, and we ran into this mob of students. In Twelfth Night I was playing the part of Viola. It was actually on at that time; we were doing the play publicly. One fellow peeked into the window, and he shouted to the crowd: "It's Viola!" and the crowd just parted, I drove through with everybody waving to me. That's the way it was. So I was Viola, and I drove right through.19