Author Topic: Update (Read 271 times)

Gunslinger · « **on:** May 21, 2007, 08:13:03 AM »

First off thanks to all for the messages and condolences. I was in a pretty dark place last week after I realized my marriage was over. I've actually gone through text book examples of greiving process.

As far as the actual divorce, it hasn't gotten ugly yet. I'm hoping it doesn't because I need her support and flexibility to keep my job. Without it I will never see my kids. She's decided to move out and get her own place. We've talked and talked and talked and for the first time in months both of us are smiling at eachother. We really are setting eachother free. This can be good and bad as it still hurts and it's going to be rough on the kids at first.

Hopfully I can apply for a new job in about 10 months and go back to some normal hours and be a real parent to my kids.

What is uncanny in all of this is my return to faith in God. My family has all been praying for me and it really helps. For the first time in years I prayed myself. I know some of you don't understand, but for those that do it really is amazing.

Guns

Odee · « **Reply #1 on:** May 21, 2007, 08:17:58 AM »

Faith is the key, sir. The Lord works in mysterious ways indeed.

May He continue to richly bless you and yours in all things.

Dichotomy · « **Reply #2 on:** May 21, 2007, 08:39:07 AM »

I've been there Guns. My thoughts are with you sir

Gunthr · « **Reply #3 on:** May 21, 2007, 08:47:50 AM »

good to hear, Gunslinger. There will be ups and downs, tho. good thing you are staying in the house. its a little more stability for you and it will be comfortable for your kids when you have them with you.

lazs2 · « **Reply #4 on:** May 21, 2007, 08:52:45 AM »

some say that divorce is even harder on us than the death of a loved one... I would say that it may be true to a certain extent.

The good part is that you get over it. I mean really over it. To the point that you are happy about it. I know you would never believe that now but... It will happen.

My advice is to not rush right out and get into a real heavy relationship or (gawd forbid) another marriage right away.

lazs

Airscrew · « **Reply #5 on:** May 21, 2007, 08:59:03 AM »

Guns. I've been in that boat before, 20 years ago. Its a hard boat to row. Keep your wits about you and your eyes on the goals that are important. Row hard and row strong and one day you'll realize you're a stronger and better person for the experience.

Speed55 · « **Reply #6 on:** May 21, 2007, 10:05:19 AM »

One of my buddies is going through the same thing.
He's been seeing the moderator and all that crap and was really down for a while. After some pep talks about it, and realizing that for whatever reason it happened, that it happened, his new motto is "life beckons".

So just remember, life beckons, you can't change the past, but you can make the future whatever you want. Stay positive, for yourself, and for your kids.

moot · « **Reply #7 on:** May 21, 2007, 10:57:28 AM »

Take it easy Guns.

Chairboy · « **Reply #8 on:** May 21, 2007, 11:02:55 AM »

Best wishes, it sounds like you can make things work out. One thing, if you can agree with the spouse that you'll both never trash-talk the other, it'll do wonders for your kids. Kids are smart, so they can decode sarcasm too. Glad to hear that you're keeping the house for now, that'll do wonders for you and your relationship with the kids.

(my parents divorced when I was 6, personal experience talking here).

rpm · « **Reply #9 on:** May 21, 2007, 11:06:37 AM »

Wow Guns, I had no idea.

Unfortunately, I am all to familiar with your predicament. Keep your spirits up, it is much too easy to fall into a funk like you speak of last week. Above all, make sure to take a little "me time" here and there. You have to have an outlet to vent the pressures and frustrations before they eat a hole in your gut.

For me it was golf. It was quiet, outdoors and I could smack the hell out of the ball instead of my family and friends. I swear after 9 holes I felt 20 pounds lighter and 10 years younger.