Reading all those old "Airwarrior posts, and I found this surfin the net. It made me chuckle.
I'm hoping someone out there can tell us all who "Kitty" is or was.
http://airwarrior.afkamm.co.uk/AWhumour/humour4.shtml Rules of the Air
Kitty's Rules of the Air are in red.
1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.
1. Every takeoff is optional. Landing never happens unless it results in a crash.2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.
2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then you stall out and spin and they get bigger really really fast.3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.
3. There can be no flight that doesn't result in a crash or being shot down. 4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.
4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there than . . . no way!! How boring! 5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when your Opponent has less. 6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.
6. The propellers are just two big weed whackers on each side of the plane used to keep the grass from growing too high. 7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.
7. When in doubt, pull and hold on to the trigger. 8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which they can use the plane again.
8. A 'good' landing is one from which you never walk away. A 'great' landing is one after which you find out the guy on your 6 crashed too. 9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make all of them yourself.
9. Learn from the mistakes of players like Zazen and other point dweebs. You won't have enough time in the day to alt as high as they do. 10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.
10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it doesn't say, "Gear wrecked" on your way down. 11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.
11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa. - Huh? =/12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier unless you're afk at the beer store. 13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.
13. No matter how hard you try to reach the clouds in AW they never seem to get any closer. 14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made.
14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to zero. 15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.
15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.
a) Throttle to 100%
b) Put nose down.
c) Type something amusing on the radio like, "Wonder what this button does..." just before you hit the ground. 16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.
16. You go to AW with a bottle full of beer and a touch of boredom. The trick is to empty the bottle of beer before the boredom sets in again. 17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.
17. Helicopters can't fly; they're aren't any in the arenas. 18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.
18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, it means a land grabbing lamer and are about to kill yourself, all 12 paratroopers, and have to pork the base again 'cause the ack will come up. 19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.
19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, l have yet to lose. The game always gives me another life. 20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.
20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately in AW I'm usually too drunk to use it. 21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.
21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible . . . wait. You can do that??? 22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
22. Keep looking around. There's always a beer you THOUGHT was empty sitting close by. 23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal.
23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's not subject to repeal unless you're in a P-38J with full flaps and hanging on your props. 24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, and a tenth of a second ago.
24. The three most useless things to a pilot are points, kill/death ratios, and the runway. Text in red belongs to:
Kitty =^..^=
The Fluffwitch Project
4XTCH
