Joke that I'll get flamed for......

[WMLute]

(remove this if ya' gota skuzzy...  I found it too hillarious to not post it)

[WMLute]

A squad of Soldiers was marching north of Fallujah when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.

On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in a similar but less serious state.

The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.

The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent."

We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein was a miserable, lowlife scum bag who got what he deserved, and he yelled back that Fred Thompson is a bald headed, good-for-nothing, right wing extremist drunk who doesn't know how to drive.

So I said that Osama Bin Ladin dresses and acts like a frigid, mean-spirited lesbian!

He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well, so does Rudy Giuliani!"

"And, there we were, in the middle of the road, shaking hands, when a truck hit us."


(feel free to insert Obama and Hillary)

[WMLute]

A guy walks into a bar wearing a Chiefs jersey, and carrying a cat that also has a Chiefs jersey on with a little Chiefs helmet on his head, too.

The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Chiefs game here? My TV is broke and my cat and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can have a seat at the end of the bar. But, if there's any trouble with you or the cat, I'll have to ask you to leave."

The guy agrees, and he and his cat start watching the game. Pretty soon the Chiefs kick a field goal and the excited cat jumps up on the bar and walks down the bar and gives everyone a high five.

The bartender says, "Hey, that's pretty cool! What does he do for a touchdown?"

The guys answers, "I don't know, I've only had him for 3 years."

[RedTop]

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions"
to his first year medical students.

 

Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject,
the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

 

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,

"Do you know what your ***hole is
doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."


The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.

[VERTEX]

How many Californians does it take to screw in as lightbulb?

Answer: Five,  1 to screw in the lightbulb and 4 to relate to the expirience

[Maverick]

True Love.

This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.  
When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her,
'What did you steal?' She replied, 'A can of peaches.'
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches
and she replied that she was hungry.   The judge then asked her
how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, 'I will then give you 6 days in jail.'
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the
woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say
something.    The judge said, 'What is it?'
The husband said, 'She also stole a can of peas.'

[SirLoin]

Why doesn't Al Sharpton like Asprin?(3 reasons)


1:They're white.
2:They work.
3:You gotta pick through cotton to get at em.