Originally posted by Yknurd
Whoa. Don't you think you should throw some blame towards the girl's parents.
The internet isn't a baby sitter. Especially not for a girl with issues.
Dare I say they left their daughter in an extremely compromised and vulnerable state?
While in no way defending the people who did this to this little girl.
What they did was flat out wrong and there is no defense that can be made for this type of thing.
But
I dare say the girls mother is also partially to blame.
It is safe to day that a contributing factor was the perception the girl was having that the mother was taking sides against her over how she responded.
"Before Tina could get out the door it was clear Megan was upset. Josh still was sending troubling messages. And he apparently had shared some of Megan's messages with others.
Tina recalled telling Megan to sign off.
"I will Mom," Megan said. "Let me finish up."
Tina was pressed for time. She had to go. But once at the orthodontist's office she called Megan: Did you sign off?
"No, Mom. They are all being so mean to me."
"You are not listening to me, Megan! Sign off, now!"
Fifteen minutes later, Megan called her mother. By now Megan was in tears.
"They are posting bulletins about me." A bulletin is like a survey. "Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is fat."
Megan was sobbing hysterically. Tina was furious that she had not signed off.
Once Tina returned home she rushed into the basement where the computer was. Tina was shocked at the vulgar language her daughter was firing back at people.
"I am so aggravated at you for doing this!" she told Megan. From the childs perspective its understandable how she could feel her mother was taking sides against her.
here we have a situation where the mother obvious knew her daughter was terribly upset over what was being said about her.
Now does she come home and first take all things into account before laying into her daughter?
No
Her first reaction wasnt to what was being said about her daughter but what her daughter said.
In a sense. and IMO her daughter was trying to defend herself in the only way she could. With words.
And the mother was telling her she was wrong for doing so.
Now remember this is a teenager.
Profanity from a teenager is more then commonplace.
Its safe to say that ANYONE who has a child over the age of say.13-14 and doesnt think "their kid" isn't using profanity on a regular basis when they aren't around then is seriously delusional
Now taking this into account as a parent one should consider and ask the question of what would cause their child to go over the edge in a time or place where the parent is sure to see it?
Whatever it is it has to be pretty serious. Serious enough for them to reach a breaking point where they don't care what they say or who will see it. Even if only at that moment.
Kids are humans just as we as adults are.
and we all have occasional flare ups of temper.
Now I. as I am sure most of us all try to teach our kids not to fight unless you have to and not to use foul language.
But I also have instructed my children not to allow themselves to be anybodies punching bag.
If attacked . Attack back.
Then when something happens I want to know the entire story and look at the situation as a whole before I lay into anyone. I dont just look at what my kids have done. But what might have caused my kid to do what he or she did.
Now if its my kid that started it I'll jump on them like a bad chest cold from hell.
But I have never chastised my kids for defending themselves from attack.
Now in this case I would have been pissed over what was said to her.
And given the her upset state. Provided support for her.
Then after she had calmed down a bit. Calmly explained to her that there might have been a better way of handling it.
Now from a kids perspective. And this kid in particular.
She was being betrayed and then viciously attacked by someone she thought was her friend and then to her everyone was taking sides with this person.
She defended herself the only way she knew how.
The same way most of us adults would.
Then to have in her mind her own mother come in and chastise her. To her now she was also being attacked by her mother.
This had to be devastating. In her mind nobody was on her side and everyone. Now including her mother was attacking her.
And this story was the end result
Now I don't claim to be the perfect parent. That person does not exist. In spite of what we might like to think about ourselves.
I admit I can be tough as nails on my kids and wont hesitate to smash a gnat with a sledgehammer.
But I also use other tools.
not always is strong immediate discipline or scolding called for.
And when someone is THAT upset. The first thing before I do or say anything is find out exactly what happened, then calm the situation.
THEN scold or discipline if needed.
in light of how upset her daughter was. The mother was in err of scolding her at that moment.
In the frame of mind her daughter was in she could only take it as yet another attack, and another betrayal from someone she cared about.
Someone who should have been on her side
