okay, pay attention.
Here's what you need to do:
Unplug your entire computer and monitor. Take them down to the bus stop and smash them into little tiny pieces on the sidewalk (better do this step in the dark though).
Go home and tell your parents that you were mugged by two large vacationing Hawaiians (sp?) in flowery shirts carrying pointy pineapples, and that you couldn't get your knife out of your butt crack in time to stop them.
Have your girlfriend apply some of her warpaint to the area around your right eye and take a picture (make sure you squint).
Now, once you get your parents to release you from your grounding (somewhere around when you are 30 I would imagine), get a new computer and STOP SURFING PORN!
hope this helps.
RTR