Author Topic: No offense Ladies.. (Read 719 times)

Holden McGroin · « **Reply #15 on:** December 06, 2007, 04:24:49 AM »

Rogue9Volt · « **Reply #16 on:** December 06, 2007, 05:15:05 AM »

Probably old and been around a few times but....

A 50 yr old man is having a midlife crisis. So he buys an expensive red sports car and proceeds to get on the highway and see just how fast his new ride will go. Just after he hits 115 mph, the lights and sirens start up behind him. At first, he decides 'screw this, I can outrun this cop!', but after a few minutes of high speed chase he comes to his senses. He immediately slows down and pulls over, resigning himself to an expensive ticket and possibly jail time. The policeman walks up to the window and just looks at him for a moment before telling him: "Look buddy, I've had a really long day. If you can give me a really good excuse, I'll just let you off with a warning."

The man thinks for a few seconds, then looks at the officer and says: "Last week, my wife ran off with a police officer. I thought you were trying to bring her back!"

LEADPIG · « **Reply #17 on:** December 06, 2007, 05:21:38 AM »

If you are not getting enough..uh hmm .. "Attention" at home i would suggest. Pick a moment when she least expects it, a moment where you'd be selfish about your activities.

Walk up to her, stop her from what shes doing, grab her, put her against the wall, look deep into her eyes, and say a few choice things about how sexy she is and how much you want her, bla bla. Surprise her.. Be sure to breathe deeply and press against her, not too much, but be a tease. Keep looking deep into the eyes.

Pretend like your going to kiss her .........walk away. If that don't work, she's either crazy or a man. I don't know about you married guys, but for a young single guy that s^it works for me. And if done at the right time, for you married guys it might work for you.

Just trying to help...
Cheers

eskimo2 · « **Reply #18 on:** December 06, 2007, 05:37:05 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Tigeress
Too Funny! SGT203

One humorous guy story deserves another; it's an old one but hope you enjoy it:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder.

This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and gave her the finger.

“Man, that guy is stupid” I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here’s why:

I drive 38 miles each way every day to work, that’s 76 miles. Of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper; most of the bumper-to-bumper is on 8 lane highway. So if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like one car very 40 feet per lane. That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars on the areas not bumper-to-bumper.
That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.

Statistically, half of these are driven by females, that’s 18,000. In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That’s 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that’s 449. According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that’s 98. 34% describe men as their biggest problem, that’s 33.

According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period and is armed.

No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn’t DREAM of giving her the finger!

TIGERESS

That’s just brilliant!