Author Topic: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?  (Read 274 times)

Offline Cthulhu

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Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
« on: August 01, 2008, 12:52:56 PM »
Here is a little test that will help you decide.

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a full-size Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat's Answer

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.... (sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Silver Tips or Gold Dots?'

Son: 'You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife: 'You are not taking that to the taxidermist.
"Think of Tetris as a metaphor for life:  You spend all your time trying to find a place for your long thin piece, then when you finally do, everything you've built disappears"

Offline Elfie

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Re: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2008, 01:07:20 PM »
Quote
Wife: 'You are not taking that to the taxidermist.



 :rofl   :rock
« Last Edit: August 01, 2008, 01:10:14 PM by Elfie »
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Offline avionix

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Re: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2008, 01:35:13 PM »
 :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

Funny yet so true.
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Offline FrodeMk3

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Re: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2008, 02:34:06 PM »
Here is a little test that will help you decide.

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a full-size Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Democrat's Answer

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Republican's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.... (sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Silver Tips or Gold Dots?'

Son: 'You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife: 'You are not taking that to the taxidermist.


You got it wrong.

The redneck and the republican can carry a Block. The Democrat would carry something made in the USA, because he's willing to pay more for a product that helps' keep his fellow americans employed.

The repub. wouldn't get out of his Lexus to walk down the street.

And the Redneck would panic and empty ALL of his ammo on one threat. And then he'd blame the democrat for running out.



Offline Cthulhu

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Re: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2008, 03:10:24 PM »
You got it wrong.

The redneck and the republican can carry a Block. The Democrat would carry something made in the USA, because he's willing to pay more for a product that helps' keep his fellow americans employed.

The repub. wouldn't get out of his Lexus to walk down the street.

And the Redneck would panic and empty ALL of his ammo on one threat. And then he'd blame the democrat for running out.
In the words of Sonny Crockett when confronted by some rednecks about his Ferrari. "I buy what I like".
That goes for guns and cars. If the American product is best I buy it. If I don't then consider it a wake-up call and make a superior product. Detroit got the message back in the 70's and 80's and cleaned up their act. Being an American doesn't mean I have to wrap myself up in the flag and stop thinking.
"Think of Tetris as a metaphor for life:  You spend all your time trying to find a place for your long thin piece, then when you finally do, everything you've built disappears"

Offline Chalenge

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Re: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2008, 03:21:18 PM »
Im a proud owner of American guns like Springfield Thompson Kimber Colt Ithaca and Winchester but I also have a little more then two dozen Glocks and various Italian guns. My friends up north think of me as a redneck because of my 'collection.' My wife comes from a 'third world country' where they are not allowed to have guns unless they are active in the military.

My wife would shoot first because her reaction time is way ahead of mine and I doubt she would wait for him to scream his obscenities.
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Offline Mojava

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Re: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2008, 03:22:49 PM »
Quote
Being an American doesn't mean I have to wrap myself up in the flag and stop thinking.

  There gonna kick you out of the Grand Old Party with that kind of talk!


Offline Cthulhu

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Re: Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2008, 03:54:10 PM »
  There gonna kick you out of the Grand Old Party with that kind of talk!

Lemmings come in all denominations. I'm just not one of them. :salute

Im a proud owner of American guns like Springfield Thompson Kimber Colt Ithaca and Winchester but I also have a little more then two dozen Glocks and various Italian guns. My friends up north think of me as a redneck because of my 'collection.' My wife comes from a 'third world country' where they are not allowed to have guns unless they are active in the military.

My wife would shoot first because her reaction time is way ahead of mine and I doubt she would wait for him to scream his obscenities.
I have a Garand, two M1 Carbines, an M-14, an M-16, an M-4, and a really accurate Savage. Enough to satisfy the "Made in America" crowd. My wife would shoot first too, but mainly because she's just a bit unstable. :uhoh Lucky for me she can't hit squat. :D
"Think of Tetris as a metaphor for life:  You spend all your time trying to find a place for your long thin piece, then when you finally do, everything you've built disappears"