A true story that happened while I was police chief of Jefferson, Texas. The witness was on the stand testifying about a stabbing that occurred on her front porch.
DA: miss can you tell me what happened on this date
witness: yes I was on the front porch and willie was on the porch and we was drinking wine, and here comes ralph.
DA: how much did you drink that day I mean was the bottle empty
witness: no sir it certainly was not sir
Da: so the bottle was the bottle was partially empty
witness No sir it certainly was not sir
DA: WAS THE BOTTLE FULL
witness: No sir it certainly was not full sir
by this time the District Attorney is red faced the vein in his neck is sticking out and has his clipboard gripped so hard I could see the tendons sticking out and I was in the witness waiting room a good 50 feet away, and when you looked at the gallery they was all about to fall in the floor laughing.
DA: OK WHAT HAPPENED TO WILLIE WHILE YOU WAS DRINKING THE WINE
witness: well Ralph stepped up on the porch and told Willie I was his and not to be commin round bout here anymore. then RALPH STABBED WILLIE,
DA: WAIT !! How did you know Willie was stabbed did you see the blood
witness: No I certainly did not sir
DA? You knew he was stabbed but you didn't see the blood, did you see the knife
witness: No sir I certainly did not sir
DA? IF YOU DIDN'T SEE THE BLOOD AND YOU DIDN'T SEE THE KNIFE THEN HOW DID YOU KNOW HE WAS STABBED? (The DA's voice is high pitched and we could hear him down on the smoking landing where I was at the time)
witness: BECAUSE HIS MEAT CRIED
DA? HIS MEAT CRIED
witness: Yes sir it certainly was sir
A long pause then
DA: Ok what happened when his meat cried?
witness: then he got down on the ground
DA: OH so after Willie is stabbed he fell to the ground, was there blood on the ground where he fell
witness: No sir he certainly didn't fall to the ground and there wasn't any blood then that came later.
DA: now WAIT A MIN. YOU JUST SAID HE FELL TO THE GROUND
witness: No sir he certainly did not sir
DA? (HAS THE COURT CLERK READ BACK HER STATEMENT) he got down on the ground
that is exactly what you just said
witness: Yes sir he certainly did.
DA?? He GOT DOWN ON THE GROUND BUT HE DIDN'T FALL TO THE GROUND
witness: Yes sir he certainly did
DA?? SO WAS HE KNEELING ON THE GROUND
witness: No sir her certainly was not sir
AT THIS POINT THE JUDGE CALLED A RECESS UNTIL THE FOLLOWING MORNING AND I GOT THE DA TO TELL ME WHAT WAS SO FUNNY THAT THE GALLERY WAS ABOUT TO BUST OUT LOUD LAUGHING.
When he told me this I translated for him
The bottle of wine had enough for each of them to get a drink out of so in Jefferson black lingo it wasn't full but it wasn't empty either
His meat cried= he had a sucking chest wound as the butcher knife he was stabbed with went into the left upper lobe of the lung and every time he took a breath he whistled until I got there and applied a first aid dressing awaiting transport to the hospital
He got down on the ground because he stepped off the porch and was standing on the ground telling RALPH to come down there and he would hit him in the head with the wine bottle. He did lay down on the ground until I told him to after I arrived
ALL OF THIS WAS REPEATED BY THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY THE NEXT DAY, AND THE DA DID NOT TELL HIM WHAT SHE MEANT BY IT, AND THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY USED 3 HOURS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HECK SHE WAS SAYING. NEEDLESS TO SAY I WAS ROTFLMAO
