Beat me up! everyone else is.

[Getback]

Last week my son got married, I didn't go. My ex-wife cheated on me, My son, my daughters, my ex in-laws all new this. Everyone stayed quiet but I found out just the same. Then many other things happened. While I have a relationship with my son and with my oldest daughter I could not bring myself to go.

[gpwurzel]

I'm in the same boat GB, my exwife wont let me see my kids (nearly 6 years now). My daughter doesn't want to know me, cant see my sons.

The likelihood is however, that they will realise what they are missing out on, and will get in touch. Its not easy, and some days are much harder than others.

I wont be going to any weddings for my kids, nor can I bring myself to even contemplate contacting my exwife (which is unusual for me, I'm not a grudge holder, nor am I generally a bitter kinda guy).

Hang in there mate, your among friends,

<S>

Wurzel

[Getback]

I'm in the same boat GB, my exwife wont let me see my kids (nearly 6 years now). My daughter doesn't want to know me, cant see my sons.

The likelihood is however, that they will realise what they are missing out on, and will get in touch. Its not easy, and some days are much harder than others.

I wont be going to any weddings for my kids, nor can I bring myself to even contemplate contacting my exwife (which is unusual for me, I'm not a grudge holder, nor am I generally a bitter kinda guy).

Hang in there mate, your among friends,

<S>

Wurzel

Thanks Wuzel <S> I'm not bitter I'm just damaged goods right now. Lot of nasty crap went down that you just wouldn't believe. Stuff they tried to hide behind my back. In all fairness I've reached out to them all and was just scoffed at. My youngest daughter I've contacted 3 or 4 times. Then one day I thought let's see if she contacts me. That's been 4 years ago and I've heard nothing from her since.

Now my ex-wife is on oxygen, she's diabetic, and can barely walk. It's so sad. These are things I never ever wanted or imagined.

[gpwurzel]

Yep, I've tried to contact my kids, but to no avail - communication is a 2 way thing ya know.

I can tell your not a bitter person, the details of your exwife were delivered with no venom (I'm not man enough for that, and its been over 9 years lol....)
and you've not said anything about it being all down to her. To me, that makes you the better person.

Me? I cant even think about my ex without getting into a tirade lol, but I've never claimed to be perfect (well, not quite yet anyway lol....)

As I said fella, your with friends (much as we argue, moan and fight), and this community is one of the best I've come across (if a bit dysfunctional at times lol)

Wurzel

[sluggish]

Been there, done that.  Henley was right; when you get down to the heart of the matter, it's all about forgiveness.  If you guys keep carrying around all this bottled up anger and resentment, it will eventually kill you.

[uptown]

follow your heart 

[Stixx]

Been there, done that.  Henley was right; when you get down to the heart of the matter, it's all about forgiveness.  If you guys keep carrying around all this bottled up anger and resentment, it will eventually kill you.

Amen brother. Per our divorce agreement my ex was supposed to allow me weekend visits. But I had to contact her first to let her know I was coming. Every time I did she'd take the kids and go to town, or something, so that no one was home when I came to pick them up. Hold no grudges, it's not worth it,and life's too short anyway.

[Sikboy]

I get it from both sides. My Ex has been denying me visitation off and on for a year now. My wife's ex is a total psycho who has us tied up in court non-stop, sucking up any money that we might have been able to save and leaving us in a smoking crater of hate. It's so sad and pathetic and I really hate being involved in any of it. I'm all for forgiveness and letting toejam go. I wish all of the other involved parties would get on board with that philosophy.

Once upon a time, I truly lived a life of no regret. It seems like that was a million years ago. But, as the days go by, you gain nothing by self pity. You just pull up your big-boy pants and get back to it. And always remember: There are maybe a half dozen people you can truly count on. Remember who they are. More importantly, remember who doesn't quite qualify.

-Sik

[Angus]

All sad.
Look at the bright side though. There are more fish in the pond, and not all are Pirana's.

[Curlew]

Dude, im a young guy, I have no life expierince and no way to relate to this, but i do have to say, keep treckin, and like wurzel said "your among freinds here", so chin up and keep putting one foot infront of the other 

[Maverick]

If you got an invitation to the wedding, you should have gone. You could sit in the back and be proud that your offspring decided to be adult enough to really get married instead of just shacking up and leaving when she got pregnant. Send them a card congratulating them and hoping their marriage works out better than yours did. Nothing says you have to figure on being a major part of their life or even maintain contact, but the invitation was tendered and you could have gone. Forget the ex that's why you got the divorce to be free of them. It's still your kid even if you were not the sperm donor as long as you loved them and tried your best to raise them.

Hate is a lonely companion.

[boxboy28]

I feel for you Men with Ex-wives........... im 37 never married no kids..........there is a reason......... these horror stories...............yes i have a good girl friend now that ive been with for 2+yrs......... and will some day wed!

One thing i learned early is its easy to fall in love get married then find out what you got!


my addvice to the young guys ..... if she LOVES  you For Real  she will wait......love is real....its not a ring or shiny things.


and allways remember hell hath no fury like a woman scorn.....

my piont is yes its easy to think shes the one....she hot shes cool (at the time) she like to play big boy n girl games.......but there comes a time where eating the same old Filet mignon  gets old(they usually dont stay that way)!

aggghhhh forget it dont take advice from me

[VonMessa]

Time cures all if you allow it to.  I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but it's true, nonetheless.

For you guys trying to see your kids, and the ex is interfering..... YOU GUYS HAVE RIGHTS!!!!!

You (more often than not) do NOT need an attorney.  They just usually bleed you dry (but there are some good ones)  All the info you need can be readily found in the library of your county courthouse

What you need is (on average) $20 for the prothonotary at the county courthouse where you live for the fee to file a Petition for Custody.

There is legal custody (choice of religion, education, etc) which you should file for shared custody, and physical custody (who has the kids) for which you should file partial custody.  From what I can tell, the average seems to be every other weekend and one weeknight.  Unless you have some SERIOUS skeletons in the closet (and usually this must be proven with documentation) there is not a court in the land that will deny you from seeing your children.  The ruling will be ALWAYS be based on what is "In the best interest of the children (as phrase that you will hear over and over)  Children being able to see both of their parents (barring the aforementioned skeletons) is always in their best interests.  Once you have that custody agreement, in writing, signed by a judge, it is a Court Order. 

Once you have a court order giving you the right to see your kids, any funny business on your ex's part that interferes with you exercising that right, becomes contempt of court.  End of story.  When this happens, you document it.  Keep a notebook, call the cops when you show up and she has decided to take a trip, keep your custody papers on you, videotape your arrival (time and date stamp, of course) whatever you need to do to show (and prove) that this is happening.

Standing tall before a county judge for failing to comply with a court order will change the ex's tune very quickly.  And (around here at least, and I can't imagine it's much different anywhere else) judges ARE NOT AMUSED when folks do not adhere to the terms of a written order that they have passed down.

I have seen it happen (not in my case because thankfully my ex stopped that nonsense when we had a written agreement), but I have seen judges come down on others while waiting for our case to be heard, and it was not pretty.

[boxboy28]

VM <S> either your a lawyer or a smart scorn man!   but either way <S>!

as  VM said ............ skeletons ............... i got a brother who is a drunk ............we havent saw/seen our niece is 5 yrs ..............she(drunk boys ex)  documents his f-uppers  every time(he flys to NB/omaha((cant spell)) .).....gets too drunk in the process and then cant/wont/dont/ should go to see his daughter ....mind you she just now gave him visitation rights only because she is dumping another sperm donor with money and per said sperm donor tried to get the dumb bro on his side.....even ex's will be your best friend ...but only when she needs it!

my parents....her grand parents have sent her birthday and X-mas gift every yr (100 a B-day 200- an Xmass)........that little girls never seen one of thoses gifts..........

He will never have custody ....maybe some day he can stay sober enough to go see her and spend time.........the ex in question was a smart digger thinking old boy had money cause he allways tryed to flash it, and would spend barrowed money(credit card)  cause he thought thats how you get a good one.........

Again Gents <S>  it men like you who have preached the gospel to me that have made this april fool a-little less of a fool!