I would have went for- "5 hour flight had to take a dump, and filled bag with urine and feces,subsequently threw bag of forementioned excrement out window ,where upon the bag deployed the excrement in a fan like pattern causing a vaporized odor that the pursuers inhaled and , due to uncontrollable vomiting from the burrito-asperagus odor unsuccessfully tried to return to base before loosing consciousness.....but that's just me.