joke of the day

[Nemisis]

 

[ink]

one day at school the teacher was asking students if they could tell a story and conclude with the " morel of the story"
so there is Johnny raising his hand, the teach knowing Johnny, picks the other kids, finally no other kids have a story but ol johnny still raising his hand, so against her better judgment she calls on him,  " johnny starts off " well before I was born my dad was in Vietnam, and he was in one hell of a fire fight it lasted hours, but they were being over run by those yellow bastards,(as dad would say) as my dad watches all his buddies dieing around him, he knows he is gonna die, so he sits back in his fox hole and polish's off the last of his whiskey, stands up and charges the enemy,amazingly he don't get hit by the thousands of bullets ripping by his body,he runs out of ammo, and pulls his last weapon, his K-bar and   kills every last one of those commie bastards." well Johnny the teach says that was a very colorfull story but what is the Morel?

Johnny looks at the teach square in the face and says, Don't ever, ever mess with my old man when he is drinking"

[allaire]

Hehe ^^^ don't interrupt a Marine when he's drinking.

[Nemisis]

Nice ink .

[dkff49]

This amish girl is in the garden with her mom. She digs up two potatoes and looks up and says, "this reminds me of Enos".  Her mom says,"wow Enos has big balls". No not big balls just this dirty is all. 

Sorry was just looking for some good humor to read. If your Amish and I've offended you I'm sorry. My last name is Yoder and we might be cousins or yet my incest brother.

Please post your jokes of the day. I need a good laugh.

For some reason i doubt anyone on these forums are amish.

Yeah great another Amish joke. HAHAHA I'll bet all my Amish aunts and uncles and cousins will fall to the ground and pass out from laughing too hard at this joke.

In case you are wondering, a large portion of my family is Amish and my mother was the one who left the religion so I do have some pretty close ties to them.






































btw I did not think the joke was all that funny but, if I made you feel bad for 1 second choker then it was worth a good laugh to me.

with Amish heritage it is real easy to get a kick out of things like this.

[Nemisis]

dk, I thought you were pissed till I saw the second half of the post. Nice joke or whatever you wish to call it though .

[Serenity]

A little boy and his mother boarded a 747 to fly across country to visit Grandma.  For the first hour of the long flight, the little boy said nothing.  He sat quietly in his seat, looking out the window, thinking intently.  

Then, he turned to his mother and asked,

"Mommy, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"

The question took the mother by surprise.  She certainly didn't want to have the big birds and bees talk with her son at this age.  In an effort to distract the boy, she called to a flight attendant and asked for a soda.

Sensing that his question was being ignored by his mother, the little boy turned to the flight attendant and asked,

"Miss, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"

The flight attendant was taken by surprise by the question too, and in an attempt to distract the little boy, offered to take him up front to see the cockpit of the big airliner.

The pilot welcomed the boy into the cockpit, but before he could interest the child in the aircraft controls, the boy asked,

"Captain, if big dogs can have little baby dogs and big cats can have little baby cats, why can't big airplanes have little baby airplanes?"

Without missing a beat, the pilot answered,

"Well son, I don't know about other airlines, but this is United Airlines and we pull out on time every time."

Holy jesus that is the funniest thing I have ever read!

[PFactorDave]

Holy jesus that is the funniest thing I have ever read!

I'm glad you enjoyed it.  I first heard that joke in 1988 or 1989, when I was a student at Parks College of Saint Louis University (an aviation focused school).  I can honestly say that it's the only joke I have ever been able to remember.  I dust it off whenever I get the chance.   

[Nemisis]

Three women die, a bolnd, a brunette, and a red-head. When they meet God at the bottom of the escelator, he says "on the way up, I will tell you three jokes to test your worthiness and morality. If you laugh at even one, you shall be turned away." One third of the way up, god tells his first joke, and the red-head bursts out laughing, and is sent back down. Two thirds of the way up, God tells his second joke, and the brunette cracks up laughing, and is turned back. At the top of the escelator, God tells his third and final joke, and just before he can finish, the blond cracks up laughing. When God asks why she is laughing she replies "I just got the first joke".

[dkff49]

dk, I thought you were pissed till I saw the second half of the post. Nice joke or whatever you wish to call it though .

ah i know choker and that is why i did it. it was more of an inside joke. i love to do that to friends and it also proves that i can enjoy the humor too.

[ebfd11]

Hey DK here ya go

http://www.funnyjunk.com/movies/3263/Amish+Paradise/


LMAO  

watch at 4:28 for a sign LOL

[Angus]

Here's a little surreal one.
Some while back, we had something we called a "traditional Reykjavik Blonde". The town girls. Usually two of them together, blond, pretty, dressed in black, wearing whatever that pulled out the finest of their figure, posing nicely with their cola,  pretty, and pretty...silly.
So how many of those to change a lightbulb?
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The answer is 2

One to hold both cola bottles, while the other one goes to fetch her daddy

[RTHolmes]

this is one of my fav gags:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS2N1mBsEdM&NR=1

[allaire]

Wow now that is a pun that you can really get behind.

[Plawranc]

Ok

A man working at a train station is standing watch, an old lady comes up to him and says "what a scruffy uniform, you should be ashamed" the man (who had issues) tripped her and she fell under train. He of course is arrested and taken to court and is promptly sentenced to death.

He is asked what his last request is, He asks for a bannana  . He eats it and then they Chair him. Nothing happens so they release him as an act of god mustve saved his life.

He gets back to his old job and he is standing on the platform when a kid comes up and annoys him, he loses patience and kicks him under a train killing him. Again he is taken to court and again he is sentenced to death by chair. He is asked for his last request and he asks for a bannana  . So he eats it and they chair him, nothing happens.

So they release him again and he is back on the platform and an old man comes up and again corrects his uniform and lectures him and so naturally the man throws him under the train. He is again sentenced to death and the same thing happens, he asks for a bannana and he eats it. They chair him and AGAIN nothing happens.

Finally the cops are so fed up they ask him " whats with the bannana?" "I like bannanas" comes the response "so how is it saving your life?" "It isnt" "so how are you still alive?"

"Im just a bad conducter"