Thanks for the help guys 
I tried fiddling with the shadows earlier but didn't try the 1024 setting. It did the trick.. I am puzzled why this would make such a huge difference, my gaming box isn't that old.
Its good not to auger any longer every time I see an enemy 
I think I know why...
I'm going to "make up" some numbers here, but it should explain why what's happening is happening.
Basically, let's say you are running self shadows at 2048... and let's say you're running the game at 1080p with everything maxed, running high resolution. The game and all of the details take 300MB video memory, and the shadow map another 200MB of memory. That means on a 512MB video card, you're runnin pretty. However, now we turn on "Other Self Shadow"... well that ALSO is going to run at 2048, requiring ANOTHER 200MB of memory, so instead of the game needing 500 out of 512MB to run, it needs 700MB to run, which of course is more than you have, therefore the game bombs. Reducing the shadows to 1024 reduces the "shadow" memory to 100 MB, so you now have 300 used by the game, 100 used by the self shadow, and another 100 used by the "other shadows" for a grand total of 500MB, which brings you back down under the 512MB max of the video card.
I know the numbers aren't accurate, but the right idea is there. =)
Hope that made sense!