Hope I haven't come too close to someone's actual handle with this, no resemblance intended just having a laugh:
The Ballad of BigJim34
The arena was quiet before he came
I suppose you could say it was kinda lame
There were winners and losers, it stayed much the same
From one month to the next.
The guys up the top had it pretty much nailed
Everyone else just moaned and wailed
Noobs kept on coming despite having failed
To kill, and they often got vexed.
Most of the time everyone was polite
Waving salutes at the end of each fight
Chatting and cursing long into the night
So that only the noobs were perplexed.
Then BigJim arrived, it was clear from the first
That this noob was no boob and he had a deep thirst
For the kill, he would take them with one quick burst
There was no question he could fly.
But the man never typed in 'hi' ; never spoke
Never saluted or laughed at a joke
His iron resolve not to chat never broke
And it seemed like he just couldn't die.
Whenever his tail seemed exposed and beckoned
He would turn like the wind and kill in a second
One of the wiser guys even reckoned
He was a drone made entirely of code.
Others said he didn't play fair
He had TrackIR and the best hardware
A home cockpit with a comfy chair
And zero ping - he lived just down the road.
Whatever the truth he just couldn't be killed
He was far and away the best shot, the most skilled
At turning and twisting and merging, and filled
With contempt for the best they could muster.
Those once above had fallen below
Now second place, third or lower they'd go
To the plaintive cries of 'alt monkey' and 'HO'
But it was all just so much bluster.
A plan was soon hatched in the upper rank
To attack as one and finally spank
BigJims' butt, or at least yank
His chain.
So they flew out together close by and in force
Nine of them alting with little remorse
To finally kill this annoying dark horse
Who had dealt out so much pain.
They spied him circling slowly below
A mere speck, and the leader signalled a 'go'
Nine brave men rolled and dived on their foe
All struggling to keep a clear head.
The sky erupted with gunfire and things
Too awful to speak of, the rending of wings
Twisting and turning and burning and rings
Of flame pouring out from the dead.
Now they were seven, then six, and then five
Within a short time only three were alive
It was starting to look as if none would survive
Then a CRUMP! as BigJim collided.
The three men watched, laughing fits
As BigJim fluttered down slowly in bits
The taunting seemed to get on his tits
His radio silence finally subsided.
I can't repeat here just what was said
When collision code judged that BigJim was dead
All I can say is he lost his head
And what followed just made things bleaker.
The shrill tones that came out on vox that day
Literally blew everyone away
No expert stick he with hair growing grey.....
BigJim34 was a squeaker.
