See Rule #5
Two elderly women whose husbands were best friends were sitting on the front porch.
Being mere acquaintances the one decided to brag to the other, "Do you see this huge diamond on my finger? My husband gave me this when he proposed to me way back when!"
The other replied, "That's nice."
The first continued to brag, "Do you see that shiny Cadillac parked in the Garage over there? My husband gave me that car for our 25th anniversary!"
The other replied, "That's nice."
The first couldn't help herself, "And this large mansion we're sitting on the front porch of? My husband bought me this house for our 50th anniversary!"
The other replied, "That's nice."
The first finally had to know, "And what did YOUR husband buy you for YOUR anniversary?!"
The other replied, "He sent me to Finishing School."
The first, "And just why would he go and do something like that?"
"So I would learn how to to say 'That's nice' instead of WHO GIVES A BLEEP!"
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An elderly Widower had a son who was a great person, but who lives WAY too busy a life to care for him when he could no longer care for himself, so the son has him admitted to the best nursing home in town. During his first day there, the father sat alone, in a chair, watching television. The nursing staff noticed that he started to topple over to the left so they ran over to him and straightened him up and repositioned his pillow. Several minutes later they noticed him toppling over to the right so they ran over and straightened him up yet again. After these events pretty much repeated themselves over several times throughout the day, the son finds time to visit Dad after work later in the evening.
He asks him "How do you like the place after your first day, Dad?"
Dad replies "It's a nice enough place, but they simply refuse to let me fart!"
