If only the Axis had used their intelligence sources along with these Public News Announcements together a clearer picture might have been had and forces could have been mustered:
This just in:
Reports from the Army Air Corps Security Services confirm that recently a bunch of drunkey "Navy Guys" landed at a secure installation in their F4U's, abandoned them and stole 8 B29 bombers and took the crews hostage. Sgt. Joe Billy Bob, in charge of refueling these giant behmoths was also forced to refuel the stolen aircraft just before take off. In an interview with the Army Air Corps News, Sgt. Joe Billy Bob said, "It is hard to explain, they weren't even armed. They really took us by surprise. Their leader, an officer with a tattoo that said "I like Big Jugs" on his forearm did this weird googly eyed thing that turned the entire ground crew into zombies, willing to respond to his beck and call. I myself was not transfixed with his trancelike stare but the case of 100 year old scotch he handed me virtually had the same effect." When asked how the 8 pilots Were able to take the over 80 crewmembers hostage he said, "Well, they had these pictures of Japanese girls that they showed the men and I heard them promise that they were going where these girls live".
The naval squadron has been identified as VMF-222, the same squadron that recently had over 100 sheep confiscated and then subsequently euthanized because they were so tramitized from their captivity. All of the lingerie the sheep were wearing was confiscated and is currently under examination. This is the same squadron recently decorated for their exemplary record, invited to the white house to meet the President and then quietly removed during the night when several of their members were found to be standing in line outside of the First Lady's room, explaining that they were "Just waiting for the bathroom".
The bomber group was last seen heading NW at 15,000 feet, except for one guy who was at 37'000.
And a few hours later this followed:
Breaking News.
Air Sea Rescue reports the successful rescue of 8 complete crews except for the pilots of the recently reported missing B29's stolen by those "Navy Guys" from the notorious VMF-222 squadron. Recovered tailgunner crew member Jay Rorvik was interviewed just after the recovery operation and stated: "Yeah we were all just flying along nice and quiet, pilot at the controls, when I heard another pilot on the radio from one of them other B29's who Identified himself as Raptor say, "Hey Wiley, have you checked out how much fun it is to fire the tailgun?", well next thing I know that Wiley guy told me to hold her steady, abandoning his pilot position and pushing me in the chair. Well I was mighty scared I tell ya cause back home I aint even allowed to drive the tractor, anyways next thing I here the guns chattering away and this demonic howl as that there pilot was havin himself a good ol time just afirin' at the clouds. Next thing I know this Raptor fella he opens a case of scotch, calls me and the rest of the crew to the open bomb bay and just starts a throwin them out one at a time, and well, now I'm here." When asked if he really jumped out of a plane to save a bottle of scotch Private Rorvic replied, "You aint to bright are ya, I said it was scotch, S C O T C H, you know, booze."
No injuries were reported except for one set of crewmen that were suffering from hypoxia after bailing out at 37,000 feet. Corporal Ed Landers, between hits off the oxygen tank in the recovery room said, "Yeah, well that handsomehunk pilot, Zoney I think it was said aint no way he is going to descend and if we wanted the case of scotch which he threw out without a parachute I'll have you know we need to jump now. I hesitated untill this Zoney feller said, By the way, I'm gunna fly inverted through the enemy airfield hanger after I drop". When asked what he thought had prompted the rapid evacuation of crewmembers from all 8 aircraft he said "I think they like firing them guns themselves, I got no idea how they plan on doing that and flying the plane but I did notice our pilot was tying all kind of fancy knots in this rope system he was making for the aircraft and he was linking it to the throttle and the rudders too. God Bless America, It's with brave men like these that our hopes of winning this war are as strong as our desire for freedom. I also think they should be institutionalized should they return safely".
The President had no comment, however the first Lady had a misty eyed visage and was overheard to be muttering oooh Edgar, ooooh Edgar untill she withdrew to her private room in the White House.
