Both really. I completely agree about civilization, and society too. I feel like I'm living in Rome as it collapses. I feel like there's no saving us.
I don't blame him. I expected no less from the majority of the community to be honest. It's still rather shocking to me that some of you guys would so willingly offer up an ear. It means a lot, gives me hope.
Thank you, Tom.
There are many warning signs of depression; chiefly among them are feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, frustration, and low self-esteem. You display all of these qualities, and should seek help soon. Feeling like you're "living in Rome as it collapses" indicates that you feel like the world around you happens without any response to your input; this will quickly wear your will away, leading to feelings of helplessness. That same quote coupled with your OP indicates hopelessness as well: "I've lost any miniscule amount of faith or hope I had in this world". Furthermore, the icon that you chose (a head banging against a wall) indicates that you are very much frustrated. Finally, you have insulted yourself in public, calling yourself a "hypocrite" and a "hole [through]
sic which excrement passes", and such behavior indicates that you feel that you are not worth anything to anyone. This is especially important because depression has a close cousin: suicide.
Suicide is the end result of extended or acute, traumatic depression and is something to always be on the lookout for in all those whom you know. Be they friend or foe, we need to warn those who may kill themselves before they do. You said that you "wouldn't mind dying," and that you "...don't want to live on this planet anymore". These statements indicate an acceptance of death as a means to escape a reality that has become too horrible to bear. Feeling like this does not make you weak, in fact, by going out and telling this BBS how you feel, you have shown great courage. Many people would rather suffer in silence than risk rejection. Furthermore, just like a Type 1 diabetic never chose to get diabetes you never chose to get depressed; it's a mental disease that can hit anyone. Even the strongest stone will be worn away by a sufficient exposure to the elements, and this applies to depression because even an iron will can be worn away by depression since depression is a 24/7 nightmare, eating away at your very core. I'd reccomend that you go to therapy immediately, or call the National Suicide and Crisis Hotline at 1-800-784-2433 if you feel like you can't take it for another second.
Recovery will be a long, winding, and painful road. To put it plainly, it's gonna hurt like a mothertrucker. You'll have ups and downs, and sometimes feel like you're going nowhere, but don't give up. Think of depression as a bottomless pit that leads to death, and imagine yourself hanging onto the wall. There are only two ways out. Fall, or climb. Even if you fall to your doom on the way up, it's just the same as falling from where you are right now. To quote a soldier on D-Day (my dad's friend fought in World War II):
"There are two kinds of people on this beach: People who are dead, and people who are going to die! Now let's get off this beach!"
You have to have the same attitude. Get psyched up, and even if it seems irrational to think positively in the face of adversity, who "gives a toejam" as to how you got out of the hole, so why should you?
-Penguin
