GOVERNMENT WARNING: According to the Surgeon General, the use of kitten huffing impairs your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems.
I love the orange ones! They let me see through my hand!
~ Oscar Wilde on kitten huffing
In Soviet Russia, kittens huff YOU!
~ Russian Reversal on kitten huffing
Oh, that's what kittens are for?
~ Some guy on kitten huffing
Kitten huffing is a controversial practice that has recently been growing as a popular alternative to street drugs. Despite a long history in Western culture, the practice remains largely taboo. Excessive huffing has been known to produce undesirable side effects, and kitten-related human fatalities. Even unapologetically frequent huffers caution against using more than two or three kittens per day.
The 'cupped hands approach', developed by the Marquess of Queensberry as a remedy for the pain of head injuries sustained while boxing, has come to be the dominant huffing technique in Europe and the Americas. Other techniques are generally avoided by all but expert huffers and even experts tend to avoid techniques involving rolled up dollar bills, as the kittens tend to clog. Kittens that have already been huffed are referred to as "Depleted". Long-term storage or disposal of depleted kittens has posed a problem for some urban areas. Contrary to popular belief, however, depleted kittens are not permanently depleted, as the actual soul regenerates the protective layer which actually inspires euphoria every year, although the actual rate of regeneration varies from breed to bread (sourdough appears to be the most forgiving).
Things You May Experience While Huffing Kittens
1) Colors unknown to mankind 2) Timothy Leary may speak to you about what your kitten huffing experience really means for you. Ignore him. 3) Jesus, Buddha and Nietzsche will invite you for tea and cakes. 4) Elvis Presley may send a hound dog on you, but don't worry, it ain't nothin' but a hound dog. 5) The Legendary White Teletubby 6) some crazy old lady yelling in your ear about you huffing her kitten
Everybody should try this once!!!
