For the best compromise of both worlds (speed and minimal hassle), I would put it on my band saw and watch it do the work while I rolled a fatty in anticipation of my celebration...
Wow, you guys need help.
There must also be a flyable computer available for Nefarious to do FSO. So he doesn't keep talking about it for eight and a half hours on Friday night!
LoL... What's up man? Did you quit FB?