PTSD, one Vet's view.

[Traveler]

One of my  last conversations with my late wife was about my mental health, I was diagnosed with PTSD over 20 years ago by the VA and I requested entry into a PTSD group session  at that time,  my wife keep me grounded and sane , following her death in July of 2013, the demons returned,  today some 22 years after diagnoses and 12 months after a formal request for PTSD services  I was allowed by the VA to attend a PTSD group session.  What I discovered at that session has me questioning the value of any treatment offered by the VA for mental health issues.
  
I was placed into a group of other Vietnam combat vets and what was discussed over the period of one hour was basically how to get past the PTSD exam given by the VA mental health department  to qualify for the disability payment, nothing related to actual PTSD.  
I was the only vet at this group that brought up issues about actual combat experience.  The recurring nightmares and sleep deprivation that have become the norm of my daily live.  If this is supposed to help me, I’m not sure how????????????????

I was well into my 20’s after returning  from Vietnam that I finally under stood why my father who fought in WWII has so many issues.  The reality of war , of actual combat never leaves you.  I deal with having beat another human being to death with an entrenching tool, because at the time my base camp was over run that was the only weapon available to me.   I relive that event almost every night .  Covered In sweat, fear , nausea, his face forever burnt into my mind, I can still smell his breath.

I don't know if meeting twice a month for one hour will help, but I promised her and I've always keep my promise.  

[Dichotomy]

I wish I could offer you something to help Traveler.  All I have is the ability to listen but I will never understand the horror you have gone through.  I hope some of the real vets on this board will reach out to you and help but I'm never more than a DM away my friend. 

[Gman]

Traveler, I'm going to send you some info, books and names, of those who have helped me.  I found out from a counselor a few years ago that a lot of the problem in her opinion based on much of the research she has done (she went to Standford and Guelph here in Canada) is rooted in left brain/right brain interaction.  It sounds crazy, but just while recounting some of my demons, she would tap my right knee/left knee depending on certain things, and went from there with many techniques to help store and remove things from the left/right side of the mind as it is needed.  It really, really works, far better than anything else or any medications they can give you for PTSD and sleeplessness because of it and other issues.

Many other vets are being treated with similar techniques.  Marcus Luttrel of Lone Survivor fame is one of them.  At one point after being retired by the Navy on a disability pension, he thought he was losing his mind.  He rarely slept he's said, and even during daylight hours, people would find him out in public, with his hands pressed to his ears and eyes closed, crumpled against a wall, as he could hear the screams for help from his friends constantly.  His story and many others are very similar, as is yours, but there is hope in some of these newer counseling techniques.  My counselor is a christian woman in her 50's, and is a very "robust" type of person who isn't into "bs" ish type of nonsense, so please don't think this stuff I'm talking about is some new age crap, it is very, very effective.

Anyhow, I read some of your previous posts regarding losing your wife last year, I can only imagine how awful losing a close loved one can be, but the most important thing to know is you aren't alone in your struggle, even people here reading your posts are with you in mind and spirit, and will offer you support in any way they can.

All the best, and know that you're in our thoughts and prayers here.

[RotBaron]

I wish you the best in your endeavor to find peace. What you went through is horrible and completely normal that you would have lingering real distress from such.

My family and I went through something very different, but heinous and terrorizing nonetheless.

Panic attacks, high anxiety, nightmares, depression, horrifying thoughts and lost productivity and quality of life can be the result of PTSD.

I'm studying for my substance abuse certifications in counseling and also beginning nursing school in a couple of weeks; so that makes me an amateur at best medically speaking. However I been through a lot of this with my family and myself.

Psychiatrists push medication, which may be necessary. There are also a lot of other therapies to consider in combination or without medication. The list is long of these therapies, accupuncture to psychotherapy (aka counseling). 

Please know that you are not alone, there are many support groups out there. IMO it would be very helpful to do thorough grief counseling with the loss of your dearest wife - to start.

Sorry to hear of your loss.

As you already know, time does not heal all wounds, imo grieving and counseling do a much better job.

GL

 

[JunkyII]

War is hell...Combat is a SOB.

  to all those who have been down range....damned few

[Rich46yo]

Its isnt so much the action. During the action its all training and muscle memory. In some ways its actually a relief when the balloon actually goes up and the Elephant is seen. Its living afterwards thats hard.

The trouble comes from not being able to flip a switch and turn off the adrenaline the instinct to survive unleashes. You end up living most of your life with a secret plan to defend against anyone around you should they become a threat. It becomes hard to relax, hard to relate, hard to live in the world John Q lives in.

At 18yo I got sent to the mideast and Ive never let my guard down since. 31 years Ive been a cop in a very violent city. Im 55yo now and have worn a uniform since 1977. I wont say I have PTSD but I am kinda worn down. My advice would be counseling groups with only those who have been there to. Only they can relate ; I dont give a damn how much college they have or how many "family members" they have in the business.

The violence, gunfights, and combat are the easy part. Its learning how to live in the peace afterwards thats hard.

[cpxxx]

Traveller I have never been in combat, my life as reserve soldier is nothing. The closest I came to combat was distant fire which happened to another army. They died.

But I have to say your description of what happened that night has haunted me. I really can't shake it from my mind. The smell of his breath. That hit me. I have dreamt about it  What can I say. I cannot lose the image. In 2005 I went to Vietnam, for my honeymoon. In the airport I met a man, a vet, the last time he was here. he said he was hit by  a mortar shell. He was a bit deaf. He told me his story.

I loved Vietam but maybe you need to go back to exorcise the demon. They like America now. You need to forgive yourself. They have.

I know it can never be something that you can leave behind. But he died for his country, perhaps that's all he wanted. Isn't that all you want for the USA?

[Delirium]

The newest thing in treating PTSD is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for PTSD and I know two vets that have undergone the treatment. It uses the eyes to reprogram the brain to diminish the traumatic events that happened. It doesn't make you forget them, but it makes day to day living much easier.

That said, I don't understand what you're going through but thanks to you I never had to experience it. Hopefully, my children won't either. Either way, thank you for your service.