There's an aesthetic that says you have to put rivets on. There's also the reality that in most planes you wouldn't see them or even notice them. Unless they're dome-headed rivets (and yes, some planes had them *shudder*) you really don't need them on a skin. Using museum pieces beat and stressed over 60 years isn't a very good indicator. Looking at period-era photos and references is better.
What you're experiencing is the group think that "you need to put rivets on!" -- and I've felt that pull before as well. In the end I've weighed the historical reality vs the "player expectation (even if unrealistic)" and leaned toward the latter. You will have to give a little introspection and decide which route you will lean towards, then strike a balance between reality and expectation that works.
Rivets should always be on their own layer, separated from panel lines. Panel lines are arguably more noticable and should be tweaked differently. However, having rivets on their own allows a lot more blending options with regards to spec map, bump map, layering over BMF, over paint, or separating BMF from pain (like combo P-51 skins). I go a step further and then also add a bolts/screws layer separate from rivets. You notice those more, like along the wing root fairing on that P-51 in the picture.
For my feedback: If you're going with rivets (and it looks like you are) the top option in your side-by-side comparison looks a lot more natural. The bottom option looks like the shadow and highlights on the rivets got reversed. I'd stay with the top method.
