Best friend passed away

[RotBaron]

I got a call from best friend’s wife last week that he died of a sudden heart attack at their home near San Diego.

He and I had so much in common and went on many tuna fishing trips over the years.

We became like brothers. I know it’s only been a week but I can’t stop thinking about him, can’t stop asking why and can’t make any sense of this. My older brother was murdered in 1997 and taken from my family too. So it feels like 2 brothers now. 

It’s shaken me to my core in mind, body and also spiritually (my faith.)

She is also of course severely distraught and I don’t know how to help her when I can’t seem to do much to help myself at the moment.

He played AH for many years long ago, I don’t remember his callsign since he played before I did and quit about 2012-2014.

How have you all gotten through very rough times like this? How did you find meaning and peace?

Thank you for you thoughts in advance.

 

[JimmyD3]

I feel for you sir. Loosing a friend or a loved one is not easy for anyone, but it is a part of life. Those that are born, will die, its a path we all will take.

Lost my Dad a few years back, that was tough, but I know where he is and I KNOW I WILL see him again. My Christian faith is all I need, with the knowledge of his Salvation, I know where he is and with my Salvation I know I will see him and my Mother again.

In the end our acceptance as Christ our Savior in this life (Salvation), or our rejection determines where we spend eternity. Money means nothing, Baptism means nothing, being a "good person" means nothing. It's all about the choice.

Praying for your comfort in this time of lose.

[Oldman731]

How have you all gotten through very rough times like this? How did you find meaning and peace?

First you have to get through it.  Meaning and peace won't come for awhile, possibly for a long while.  Possibly never.  But get through it first.

I was surprised how physically exhausting it is, even if you aren't actually doing anything.  Make yourself eat.  Sooner or later you're bound to fall asleep.  Try to maximize the time for rest.

Force yourself to do normal things, like mowing the lawn, washing the car.  Doing this helps break your concentration on the loss.  One of the things that helped me quite a bit, actually, was being able to play AH.  The people here who knew about the problem provided wonderful support - best friends you'll never meet.  Again, it's a diversion so you don't spend all your time focusing on the loss.

As time goes by, things get easier, even though they may never get easy.  Nearly ten years later, it's an everyday memory for me.  But you have to get through that time.  Focus on that.

- oldman

[Puma44]

I feel for you sir. Loosing a friend or a loved one is not easy for anyone, but it is a part of life. Those that are born, will die, its a path we all will take.

Lost my Dad a few years back, that was tough, but I know where he is and I KNOW I WILL see him again. My Christian faith is all I need, with the knowledge of his Salvation, I know where he is and with my Salvation I know I will see him and my Mother again.

In the end our acceptance as Christ our Savior in this life (Salvation), or our rejection determines where we spend eternity. Money means nothing, Baptism means nothing, being a "good person" means nothing. It's all about the choice.

Praying for your comfort in this time of lose.

^^THIS^^

[Mongoose]

I feel for you sir. Loosing a friend or a loved one is not easy for anyone, but it is a part of life. Those that are born, will die, its a path we all will take.

Lost my Dad a few years back, that was tough, but I know where he is and I KNOW I WILL see him again. My Christian faith is all I need, with the knowledge of his Salvation, I know where he is and with my Salvation I know I will see him and my Mother again.

In the end our acceptance as Christ our Savior in this life (Salvation), or our rejection determines where we spend eternity. Money means nothing, Baptism means nothing, being a "good person" means nothing. It's all about the choice.

Praying for your comfort in this time of lose.

^^Yes, This.^^

[Eagler]

Lost my mother 51 and only brother,  younger 26 both in 1989 6 months apart

It takes a very long time but a scab will form over the wound eventually.

There are times that scab is torn off and it seems like it all happened yesterday.

Faith is key IMHO..not sure how one lives without it.

<S>

Eagler

[Mongoose]

A little over a year ago, one of my brothers died.  I draw great comfort and strength from my Christian faith, but it still hurts.  Everyone once in a while I will see something, and I think "I want to talk to him about that", and then I remember.  Even for the strongest of us, it still hurts.  But you can't let that hurt defeat you.  Don't bury it.  Acknowledge it.  Recognize it for what it is, and go on with your own life.   

[Mano]

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my brother several years ago and it takes time to get over it. Stay busy ........ that really helps.

 

[mechanic]

My view might not be very helpful to most but I'll give it anyway. It comes in two parts.

The first is a matter of comparison. There are endless examples to compare against but let's just choose one. I would put myself as a young man in 1914, or worse my loved ones as young men at that time. Being conscripted by uncaring leaders to go die pointlessly in a mud hole or face a firing squad for cowardice. The suffering I have felt at losing people I love is incomparable in one sense because it is personal. But I try to imagine that many people lost the same things I have lost and in a much more unfair way than perhaps I am experiencing. They found the strength to move forward, so shall I.

The second is to remind myself that the person who is gone is not suffering. Only those left behind. The pain is mine and mine alone. An appropriate period of grief is respectful and correct. But punishing myself too long is utterly pointless and would certainly upset the departed. You don't need to think about how long is appropriate. Your soul will take care of that naturally. But be ready to spring back out stronger than ever and do a little bit of living for the one you lost as well as all the living you can do for yourself at the same time.

It will hurt forever. If this is recent, accept that you are in shock now. It may take weeks to be fully real. When the moment comes to let it all out, don't try to be brave, you only delay and draw out the new reality. Smash that grief like a shot of tequila and be ready for the hangover. Then it is done.

[RotBaron]

Thank you all very much for your thoughts, kind words and perspectives.

It’s a very rough time for so many of us close to him.

He was a tremendous person in so many ways I can’t even count them all for you.

There are a lot of moments in the days that It’s shaken my faith.

I don’t know if this is just my personal experience, but it really seems throughout my life I’ve noticed a lot more of bad things happening to good people than bad people getting what they should have coming to them...

Thank you for sharing your experiences with loss, sadness, anger, grief and the pain that comes with losing dear friends or family that you loved so much.

 

[RotBaron]

This is my friend with his best catch besides his wife he always said. He’s 62 in the picture, sure doesn’t look it to me.





Picture isn’t showing up in using the [img]button here. I’ll insert it from his FB page if I can

[RotBaron]

https://m.facebook.com/photo/?fbid=2154987297858527&set=picfp.100000418338625