A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to
have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed
out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to
take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I
was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
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At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior
chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,
I heard her reporting to the rest of
the family that he had died of a "massive internal
fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba,Canada
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I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
your hand." He read the 20/20 line
perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read.
"Now both," I requested.
There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E
on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had
done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
with both his eyes covered. I
was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
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During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he
was having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it!" I had him quickly undress
and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see... Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I
asked, "How
long have you been bedridden?" After a look of
complete confusion she
answered .... "Why, not for about twenty years-when
my husband was
alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
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I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So
how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste," the patient
replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
