I can tell Spring has finally arrived when my weeds grow taller than my back yard fence. It's definately time for me to borrow the neighbor's goats for a week or so. Not only will they keep the grass short, but they'll fertilize the lawn at the same time.
I spent the day working on the pool, and I nearly passed out blowing that sucker up. Now I have to rake the old pork chop bones and dried dog toejam out of the dirt patch where the pool goes and fill that sucker with water and in a week or so I'll be doing belly flops off the roof of my trailer into two feet of mosquito-larve infested green water.
The only time I've ever been on a golf course was when I got drunk one night and spun donuts on the 18th green in my 1969 GMC pick-up, so I don't know what the big deal is. Personally if I'm going to spend a fine Spring day out walking around I'd rather have a good .22 rifle and plenty of squirrels and rabbits to shoot at... or golfers, if one of them golf balls goes whizzin past my head.
I love spring time. I'll sit in my sofa on the front porch with an inhaler to help me cope with the pollen, chain smoking Pall Malls and drinking Gallo Spanada, and I'll notice things like how the grass don't grow under the 74 Pinto that's been up on blocks for three years, or how the mailman can't cut across the front yard now since the weeds got so high and hid all that galvinized pipe I bought four years ago to make a chain link dog run with, or how my neighbor's 15 year old daughter is gettin some big tits as she gets older.
I went out to work on my boat the other day, and I was surprised to see that that sucker had filled up with water. Not only that but there was a duck swimming in it, and I had a hell of a time getting him out of there, what with the barking dogs and all. I bailed the boat out and found all my fishing lures rusted up in the bottom, but that's OK cause I don't have a fishing license anyway, so I had a beer and smoked a joint.
I got married in the springtime once- and divorced in the springtime twice. Oddly enough the two divorces were happier occasions than the marriage was. I guess it's true what they say bout springtime- "hope springs eternal"...and every time I've gotten married I've been apprehensive at best, comatose with dread at worst, yet every divorce I've had has been a happy, positive thing- especially for my Ex's, as they always get to keep all of my toejam.
Isn't Daylight Savings Time a wonderful thing? I love being drunk while there's still daylight. That way I can visit my neighbors or walk to the 7-11 to buy Scratchers from the Hindu. If I get a five dollar winner I'll buy a 40 of MickeyD's and make a big show of offering a pull to Mister Hindu the Cashier. He, of course, will refuse with much grinning and waving of his arms, and I will feign mock indignation at his supposed insult after I have harassed the poor bastard to the point he probably wishes he was still pulling rickshaws in Bombay and eating cockroaches for protien rather than dealing with such an ignorant salamander as I am but hey....it's all good....I will leave...and to show there's no hard feelings I will leave the three pennies included in my change for the 40 in his little penny plate...and I will roll my eyes slightly as I notice he COULD have taken TWO of the several pennies he ALREADY had in his penny plate and he COULD have given me a nickel instead of three fuggin PENNIES, but ya know what? He don't know no better, he's just a dumb bellybutton Hindu, so you take the high road...you toss your three pennies in his penny plate, you smile tightly and you turn on your heels and you leave...and you vow not to ever bless him again with the game of trying to make him take a pull off your 40.
