Basic Economic And Political Theory (with Cows)

[Hortlund]

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you should need.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbours help you care for them and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and shoots you.

STALINIST COMMUNISM: You have two cows. They inform on you to the secret police. Who shoot you.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and drafts you into the army.

TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

THEOCRACY: You have two cows. The government arrests them for showing their udders in public. Then they chop your hands off.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbours elect somebody to decide who gets the milk.

SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines you for illegally keeping two unlicensed animals in an apartment.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, and a recount of the cows, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".

BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull which you use to breed the other cow, as well as every other cow in the area. Then you start exporting sperm from the bull to emerging markets. After several years of expansion, your company floats on the stock exchange. The government eventually opens legal proceedings against you and your spouse for insider trading. After a lengthy court battle, you are found guilty and sentenced to fifteen years in prison, of which you serve seven weeks. When you come out of prison you buy two chickens. Then...

HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company and proceeds from the sale are deferred. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option to one more. Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the Feng Shui is bad.

ANARCHISM: your neigbour has two cows, you steal them and you pour the milk over your neigbours head.

SOCIAL LIBERALISM: You have two bulls. They get married and adopt a chicken.

[Octavius]

maaaoooooooooooo!

[eskimo2]

Pretty good!

Where did you find it?

eskimo

[Hortlund]

On another one of the message forums i regulary browse from work

(working for the government has its upsides hehe)

If you want details, its the Off-Topic forum at the Europa Universalis message forums (I play that game alot too).

http://www.europa-universalis.com/forum/index.php

[Tac]

Lemme add one:


COLOMBIAN DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. You hide 1 cow from the government, which has declared the other cow a hazard to the enviroment (Ministerio del Medio Ambiente..aka, Ministry of the Enviroment) and dictates you must keep it off the grass, control its methane output and of course, bill you for the assessment. Meanwhile the cow you've hidden is slowly, but assuredly, becoming insane from watching endless Venezuelan soap operas. When the FARC and ELN find out about your hidden cow, they decide to pay you a visit and ask for a "contribution" to the cause... there goes your milk. But you get to keep the cow.  Days later, the Paramilitaries find out you're giving the ELN/FARC milk.. so they also pay you a visit, beat you up and kindly ask for a donation "to make things up"... your cow now has 3 legs. Outraged, you go to the police and ask for protection. They visit your home, find the cow, fine you for illegal milk production and take "evidence" of the deed. Your cow now has 2 legs and is lying on your bed. Finally, you decide to sell both your cows, but nobody wants to buy a 2 legged cow with mad eyes staring at you and mumbling lines from "Topacio" (soap opera)...and the Ministerio del Medio Ambiente prohibits the selling of your 4 legged cow because you havent arranged for an enviromentally safe sale of the asset.  They bill you for the assessment. Years later, you finally manage to sell your cows at 1/3rd of what you bought them. The ministerio del medio ambiente ok's your sale (and bills you for it) and you finally load the cows on your truck and take them to the market, but en-route you fail to notice the camouflaged men in the side of the street, which promptly pull you over and take your 4 legged cow and all your money. After they let you go, 2 blocks away, you again fail to notice camouflaged men alongside the road and drive past them.. unfortunately those were Army troops making security stops.. and they shoot your truck up as you speed by, killing your 2 legged cow. The ministerio del medio ambiente bills you for the cleanup of the road. The army takes your 2 legged cow corpse and invites you to a BBQ.

Got milk?

[Hortlund]

lol..  you seem to have some serious issues with Colombia

[Tac]

lol, I was born and raised there man. Its how things are