Well, while we are traveling down memory lane, here's the post that caused Ripsnort to squelch me. He had come onto the Free Multiplayer Forum and bragged about how his son could best most of the H2H players. The entire thread is titled "Concerning The Locked Thread" -something. Here he was trying to convince me what a wonderful Dad he is...
Originally posted by Ripsnort
Well, where do I start? Mon. and Wed. swimming lessons, Week-ends are T-ball practice, week-nights we read...he gets about 3 -5 hours of computer time a week. Of course, this is just the organized stuff, we spend countless hours in our very large backyard, doing everything from playing baseball to trampoline, to every-other late afternoon bike rides to golf (Neighbors have a huge putting green, from my yard I can use 9 irons and hit thier green 130 yards away.) Care to make anymore assumptions? Bet you were raised on Sony Play stations. I'm proud to say my son has none of that, and would rather be outside than inside, but I digress, the rain forces us inside in the winter months.
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LOL OK, now where do I start? How bout the swimming lessons? OK, swimming lessons it is...How soon before you feel confident enough to remove your floaties?
On weeknight reading time- I hardly think reading him posts from the BB counts as "reading time." Read him "Winnie the Pooh" or my favorite book, "Go Dog Go."
Moving on to computer time...He gets 3-5 hours a weeK??? Based upon your prolific posting pace I'm suprised you're off 3-5 hours a week. Maybe he plays while you're at your swimming lessons...
Now the neighbor's putting green has me jealous. You should put one in your yard so your neighbor can hit the balls back at you. That way your son wouldn't have to retrieve them for you.
Now let's talk about the weather in Washington. I know for a fact that the rainy season up there runs from September to the following June, so your "winter" is actually 9 months long. I think your window of opportunirty for outdoor activitites is 45 days a year, tops.
Playstation?? LOL dude I was in my 20s when "pong" came out. We used to play it for hours, too. I know more than most just how far computing has come. Hell, half the guys here don't even remember Pong.
That's just about it, Rip...I'm sure you'll post back, so until then...Oh wait!! You asked me if I cared to make any more assumptions about you!! Well, since you asked, my friend, here goes...
You are the Wilt Chamberlain of posters. Based upon your rate of one post every two hours for the last two and a half years I'm confident you are either an insomniac or a speed freak. Personally I'm leaning towards the speed freak theory because some of your posts are somewhat disjointed.
I can safely assume you are slovenly. Easy one, bud- your obvious fear of water that prompted you to take swimming lessons together with the rate of one post every two hours for two and a half years leaves you no time for bathing.
Obviously you spend many hours seated in front of your computer screen, so I "assume" you have developed a hemorrhoid that resembles the Pope's Nose of a freshly baked Thanksgiving turkey.
You have a certain superior smugness about you (especially when dealing with the H2H crowd) which makes me "assume" you are either stuck in a dead end job and use your computer for self esteem or, as is more likely, you are on disability for the last several years from your job as a grocery clerk, probably claiming carpotunnel syndrome as the cause of your disability because of working the cash register.
Your wife is a nurse. I reached THAT assumption because someone is obviously treating your hemorrhoid, and I know your bellybutton has to be way too wide for you to reach around and apply the medication yourself due to the hours you stay seated in front of your computer and the constant seat drops you performed on your 10 year old trampoline. I also can safely assume that you yourself no longer play on the trampoline because the constant rainfall in Washington has rotted out the surface to the point where someone of your 250 pounds or so would rip it out and you might get a REAL injury rather than the one you faked to collect your disability.
You surf porn sites and mastrubate often. Why can I make this assumption? Because you hardly ever post during the hours your son is in school and your wife is at work, and you have only one child, which, given the amount of "indoor time" you have in Washington, is unusual. I think you "shake hands with the unemployeed" more than you will ever admit. But then again, NONE of us admit to jacking off, so your secret is safe with me.
You have the skin coloring of a freshly peeled potato. That's an easy assumption because of 1) the cloudy weather in Washington and 2) You spend so much time in front of your computer screen...ESPECIALLY when the kid is at school and the wife is at work.
Your access to your neighbor's putting green will soon end because your carpotunnel syndrome coupled with the discomfort of your oversized hemmorhoid will cause you to hook your shots, especially from 130 yards out with a 9 iron, and it's only a matter of time before you hook a golf ball into your neighbor's sliding glass door and he bans your fat, lily-white, hemmerhoid- infected bellybutton from using his putting green.
Well, I guess that's just about it, Ripsnort. Please, post back and let me know how accurate my assumptions are. Oh, and keep your kid out of my H2H arena. That dude shot me down 9 straight times while you were at your swimming lessons.
Peace out,
Elfen
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If you can't be a good example then try to be a horrible reminder.
IP: Logged
