Author Topic: Baaaaad Sheep Joke  (Read 213 times)

Offline Vermillion

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Baaaaad Sheep Joke
« on: August 29, 2000, 01:07:00 PM »
Knowing how much you all enjoy sheep, I had to post this  

Enjoy,

Vermillion
**MOL**
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A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.  After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a vet for help.  The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.  The vet tells him that they will stop standing around
and will, instead, lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.

The Man hangs up and gives it some thought.  He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep.  

So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex
with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again.  He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the heep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods.  He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep.  He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.  

"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

 

Sorry, couldn't resist

Offline BotaBing

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Baaaaad Sheep Joke
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2000, 01:10:00 PM »
Hahaha nice. Here's one for ya...


What's the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scottish Highlander?

The Rolling Stones sing "Hey, Hey, You, You, get off of my cloud!!!"

A Scottish Highlander says "Hey McCloud, get off of my ewe!!!"

Offline easymo

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Baaaaad Sheep Joke
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2000, 05:19:00 PM »
  A salesman go,s out to a ranch to try and peddel some goods. When He gets out of the truck a dog comes running up. The salesman says, hows it going boy. Much to his suprise the dog says, Pretty good. My boss is kind, and feeds me well.
 While he is standing there, a little dumbfounded the rancher walks up. The salesman asks the rancher. Do you know your dog can talk. The rancher says, sure. Say hi to the cat. The salesman looks down and see,s a cat walking by. Hi kitty, he says.

 Looking up, the cat says. Cant talk now im after a big ol mouse.

 Shaking his head in amazement. The salesman looks around the ranch.

 How about those sheep? He asks the rancher. Can they talk?

  Looking a bit nervous, the rancher replies. Oh' them? Dont listen to them. they are all a bunch of liers

Offline Dune

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Baaaaad Sheep Joke
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2000, 05:28:00 PM »


Spring again is in the air,
Lambs are frisking here and there, All blissfully unaware, Of how short their lives are to be.
So with you, I'd like to share, My feelings, which aren't so rare, (And I think you all will care)'
Of all that sheep mean to me.
As I'm sure you will agree, What Greater love can there be, Than love for a sheep roaming free, On bleak moorlands, so lonely?
Vicars while they sip their tea,
Say that it is sodomy,
But in order to disagree,
I took out my dictionary,
And looked up the word.

"Unnatural connection," it did say,
But what, than in the hay,
With a fleecy sheep to lay,
More natural could there be?

Surely it is crystal clear,
That the sheep and the mountaineer, Although sheep don't drink much beer, Are very similar as you'll see.
Both have coats of fleecy hair,
And underneath, both are bare,
(i.e. naked), but to be fair,
Climbers, their coats don't have to wear.

Sheep, often off cliffs so high,
Fall and than horribly die,
'Cos unlike birds, cannot fly,
Even though, they may try.

For climbers on the other hand,
Falling off is never planned,
But happens when they try to stand, On a non-existent ledge, and, Their arms suddenly give way.
So at last in summary,
What more normal could there be,
Than to take indecently,
>From behind, darling flossy,
Or others so dear to me,
Of her kind so wooly,
And mounted thus in ecstacy,
Copulate eternally?
(source: Castle Climbing Club)




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Lt Col Dune
X.O. 352nd Fighter Group
"The Blue Nosed Bastards of Bodney"

"Credo quia absurdum est." (I believe it because it is unreasonable)
- The motto of the Republic of Baja Arizona

Offline snafu

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Baaaaad Sheep Joke
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2000, 01:02:00 PM »
I apologise in advance for this.......

Cow & a sheep in bed,

The cow says "Mooo ve over"
The sheep says "Baa llocks"

TTFN
snafu