To be a Good Democrat

[Eagler]

HOW TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
   You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal  funding.
   You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
   You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
   You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
   You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
   You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
   You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
   You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
   You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
   You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
   You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
   You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
   You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
   You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.
   You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
   You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail,but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
   You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
   You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
   You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast right wing conspiracy.  

It'd be funny if it weren't so true

edit: this is a rerun sry .. found Toad's post from 9/2000 after I posted. Thought it looked familiar

[Sandman]

Originally posted by Eagler
HOW TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
   You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal  funding.


No.


   You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

No.

   You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.


Nuclear threat from China? Not worried about China. More worried about guns in the hands of law breaking Americans. Credit half.


   You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

No.


   You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

Either or? No... but I think homosexuals are natural, just abnormal. Credit another half.

  You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

I'm not against capital punishment. I just want to be absolutely 100% certain that the executed is guilty of the crime. I'm pro-choice. Credit another half

  You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

No.
   
  You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

WTF? How does one earn self-esteem?
   
  You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.

No.
   
  You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

No.

   You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

No.

   You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.

No.

   You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

No.

   You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady.

Yes.

   You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.

No.

   You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail,but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.

?? Not sure what the first part refers to... I voted for Clinton twice. Credit half.

   You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.

Manger scenes at churches are fine. Manger scenes at the courthouse are not. One point.
   
  You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

No.

   You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast right wing conspiracy.  

No.


It'd be funny if it weren't so true

What is that? 4 of 19... call me a bad Democrat. Waitaminute... I'm not a Democrat... I'm a liberal.

[Karnak]

Didn't you post this last year?  Or was it the year before?

I refuted all this BS and posted a counter joke back then.  Its old stuff though.

[KG45]

>>Didn't you post this last year? Or was it the year before?<<

heehee -

originality isn't the hallmark of RWer's

[weazel]

I'm a libertarian, I only registered as a democrat so I can vote in all elections.

[majic]

"so I can vote in all elections. "


Don't the Libertarian's have primaries?  (Or at least conventions where you can choose your parties candidates?)

[weazel]

Oklahoma has a closed primary system. Only voters who are registered members of a recognized political party may vote for the party's candidates in primary and runoff primary elections.

[MrRiplEy[H]]

I'm beginning to see the big picture here!