Well if you get annoying calls from telemarketers you could always try one of these
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy
and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to
know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no
one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is
acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died ..." When they try to get
to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their
name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is
located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their
company for as long as necessary.
4. If they are selling a lawn service to make your grass grow better, tell
them it grows to fast now and green is not your favorite color anyway.
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my! Judy, how have you
been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she
tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a
rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you
can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends
Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends
... would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get
out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?
9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When
they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your
credit-card number to a complete stranger.
10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company; they often
can't sell to employees.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the
receiver down, shout or scream "Oh No!" and then hang up.
12. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
13. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them
on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your
food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
14. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they
could bring you some food.
15. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
16. Ask the telemarketer if they use the product they are trying to sell.
If they do, ask for a complete report. If they don't, ask them why not
since it is such a great product.
17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come
on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon how's your momma?"
18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up ...
louder ... louder ... louder ...
19. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD
down.
20. Tell them that you are busy and ask for their phone number so you can
call them back. If they say that they don't give out their phone number or
they don't take calls, then ask for the caller's personal phone number at
home. If then they say that they don't like being called at home, quickly
say "Bingo!" and hang up.
21. Feign total stupidity. "you want to sell me a magazine prescription? how
does that work? will my insurance cover such? don't I need a doctor or HMO
to approve it?", when they clarify it is a magazine SUBSCRIPTION, answer "oh
I see, can you deliver at home? but will the mailman be able to see what
magazine's I subscribe to? he'll think I am a pervert! what about the
neighbors! they'll hide their daughters!", continue until he hangs up.
22. Ask the guy or gal for his/her religion, then lecture him trying to
convert him to your religion and have them pray/chant/etc with you. See how
long they cooperate.
